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Thursday, November 22, 2012

"They Actually Eat That:" Ummm....NSFW.

(Warning: This entry may not be suitable for younger readers. Oh, who'm I kidding? It's cleaner than a lot of the other things on the internet.) 

Happy Thanksgiving!

...is what I would like to say. Hate to break it to you, but the whole holiday of Thanksgiving is a big, fat lie - almost literally. The story of pilgrims and natives getting together and having a nice big feast is bullplop. Nobody likes being as bloated as people get after Thanksgiving dinner. Between Halloween ("Official Eat Lots of Candy Day") and Christmas ("Feast and Candy Day"), America has three total holidays centered around pigging out, one on top of the other. As far as I'm concerned, Turkey Day can suck it.

The sign says it all.


...so have one of the things that I don't think makes it onto any Turkey Day table: animal penis meat.

Surprised? Don't be. Often, the genitals of food animals are tossed aside...but why? Sure, they're "naughty bits," but given the general quality of food in America, animal junk would probably be cleaner than most of our fast food.  Eating penis is still largely restricted to China, even though there's plenty of meat there to work with.

First off, a brief reminder of what a penis is: meat around bone (there's a reason it's called a "boner") that just so happens to be used for urinating and making out.  It's like if you took a sausage and mixed it with ribs. Of course, as with most meats, penises are usually de-boned before being served. You're welcome.



Now for the obvious bit: Yes, the Chinese believe that eating penis has a ton of benefits for men. Again, we should not be surprised that they are used to enhance libido. Surprisingly, however, it may also have several benefits for women. Penis contains gelatinous albumen, which is supposed to help with one's complexion. Penis: it's for everyone! Well, OK, anyone who's gone through puberty already.

Although I have seen a few pics of dog penis in markets, nobody has mastered the art of eating naughty bits like Guolizhang, a restaurant in Beijing. Not only do they serve penis, they serve it like cuisine - cut fancy, on lettuce platters, the works. They also serve it such that one can see the whole length. People under the age of 15 are not allowed to eat at this restaurant, which has 4 locations in Beijing alone. There is also apparently one in the Chinatown of Atlanta, Georgia. Be on the lookout for a penis restaurant near you!

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