Creature Feature: Uromastyx.

So I saw War Horse today. It was amazingly moving, enough so that I spent 80 bucks on a book on the history of Handspring. Those are some awesome horse puppets, and the story is great, too. Go see it, even if you don't normally like theater.

However, it was still winter in Chicago. That means that outside is freaking cold. Quick, I need a desert animal to warm up!

Oho...it's about time we got to this one. Uromastyx lizards are agamids native to northern Africa into the Middle East and India. There are approximately 13 species in the genus. They are wholly herbivorous. Males are larger than brighter than females, FYI. The largest Uromastyx, the Egyptian (U. aegyptia) is almost a yard long.

For those of you curious about the name, "uromastyx" literally means "whiptail" or "scourgetail." No, these guys are not as lesbian as the other whiptails.  They are named for the torture weapon of a tail common to all  Uromastyx species. I think "mace-tail" or "rape-tail "would have suited it better than "whiptail," but to each horny scientist his own. If you don't get that joke...don't think about it too much. Just go with "scourgetail." That sounds like the name of a badass video game boss and you know it. Say it with me: Scourgetail. 

That spiky tail is nothing more or less than a weapon. A threatened Uromastyx will turn towards the enemy with that tail, puffing and hissing open-mouthed all the while. They also sleep with that spiked tail facing out, just in case. Scourgetail indeed.

Uromastyx lizards, or mastigures, have a few more tricks besides that tail. Most of their time is spent underground, making them hard to find. They change color, darkening themselves while basking. Also, these are desert lizards; that means they get most of the water from the food they eat.

Mastigures are uncommon in the exotic pet trade. Although they have been difficult to keep in the past, people's knowledge has improved. The Mali Uromastyx is the best captive scourgetail. They are now common enough that most exotics shops (i.e. reptile stores that aren't Petco) will know what you're talking about. Though accessible, they do have some advanced care requirements; please, be smart and do your research if you think they're neat.

Creature Feature: Rainbow Agama.

You know what I hate? Every time there's a nature show host, they're always dressed in khakis. Yeah, yeah, OK, khaki's a very earthy color, and thus kinda goes with what they're saying, but really? It's gotta be one of the least eye-catching outfits in existence.  Nature's a lot more colorful than that, guys. You could totally get away with showing a little flash.

Enter the rainbow agama (Agama agama). It's also called the red-headed agama or common agama. It's native to sub-Saharan Africa.  Its diet consists of insects and the occasional small mammal. It can often be seen in broad daylight, which is a real treat if you happen to catch a male at the right time in the year.

Hooo boy does that name say a lot. During mating season, the males go from being relatively drab brown and black to bright blue with an orange-red head. The tail has some rings on it. Overall, it looks like some kid went nuts coloring an outline of a lizard. A shame it's only for a short portion of the year; this would be stunning year-round. Like a boss.

Agamids in general have some pretty neat features,  too. As the color change in the male agamas might have hinted, the whole group is related to chameleons; they also have things like the strange teeth and sticky (but not long) tongues of their sinister cousins. Before you ask, no, they can't regenerate as well as geckos; they regenerate a little, but not much.  Bearded dragons and Uromastyx are in this group, so if you want a good look at the common agama's relatives, check at your local pet shop.

Before you ask: Yes, the rainbow agamas are available in captivity. No, they are not a good lizard for beginners. They require a fairly large cage (4' x 2' x 2'), a really consistent lighting cycle, and a few other peculiar requirements. Like some other lizards, they need calcium supplements on their crickets. Beware even buying one of these things; I'm sure reputable breeders exist somewhere, but fecal sample testings are advised simply because a lot of them come from the wild. Know where your lizards are coming from...

...then enjoy the acid trip. Groovy.

Creature Feature: Green Anoles.

When I went to Florida, I was chasing "chameleons" all the time. They were fast little buggers. I also knew, even at a young age, that they were not chameleons - chameleons were waaaay freakier and native to Africa.

Duuuude, you could acid trip on this lizard.

The "chameleons" in Florida and pet shops are really an agamid called the Carolina anole (Anolis carolinensis). They are native to the Southeastern United States and Caribbean Islands. They are one of the most popular pet lizards; most shops have the sense to label them as anoles, too.



Like chameleons, the green anole is capable of changing color. Again like chameleons, this is more a mood thing than a background thing. A stressed green anole will be brown and sluggish no matter what color it's on. If you want that kind of acid-trip camouflage, get a flounder. Neither chameleons nor anoles change color to blend in.

The males also have pretty red throats.

Green anoles are the generic green lizard kept in captivity. They are easy to breed, easy to feed (crickets and moths), and are currently having their genome mapped. Are they chameleons? No. Good starter lizards? Very yes.

Creature Feature: Lizard Week- Frilled Lizard

Raise your hand if you have seen Jurassic Park. C'mon, don't be shy; we all went to Blockbuster and collected merch for The Lost World when it was about to come out.

(I'll take a photo of my plush dinosaur haul a bit later, LOL.)

If you have never seen Jurassic Park, know that there was a Dilophosaurus in it. It spat poison and had a neat frill that functioned similarly to a cobra's hood.



There is no fossil evidence for the frill or the venom, but it did cause a spike in interest for a certain real lizard.

That frill is similar to that of the frilled lizard (Chlamydosaurus kingii). The frilled lizard is yet another cool critter from Australia, and feeds on insects. (Oh, Agamidae, you so CRAY-zy!) True to its name, it spreads a giant frill around its neck when startled.



Then it proceeds to run on its hind legs away from the threat. This totally merits a Benny Hill sequence; it's HILARIOUS to watch, and has earned it the name "bicycle lizard."

Screw Jurassic Park. Australia is full of dinosaurs.

Creature Feature: Lizard Week- Draco volans.

First off, I love dragons. Any dragons. All dragons. That's why it makes me so sad to see European dragons pimped over all other dragon types; they're all cool, but European dragons (the kind with 4 legs AND leathery wings) are native only to monotheistic religions, so anything you have about them being a part of universal folklore is a load of BS. Yes, there are often things in lore systems that take the place of dragons (i.e. to be slain by a hero), but they are not all fire-breathing menaces. Nearly all of them either have snake in their names or are words (sometimes feminizations) for 'snake' themselves. The Western dragon is largely linked to monotheistic faiths which sought to make snakes even more evil-looking than they would be otherwise.

Tiamat also DOES NOT LOOK A THING like a Western dragon, contrary to what your D&D manual may tell you. One could argue about how she may have evolved into to Zoroastrian dragon, but that's still an instant alignment with Satan VS mother of all monsters. Seriously, D&D, fuck you.
You will see me use this image again. Sear it into your retinas.

That's a rant for another day. Today's lizard is as close to a dragon as you will ever see in your pathetic human lifetime. It is so much like a dragon that its scientific name, Draco volans, literally translates to "flying dragon."

D. volans is native to Indonesia (like half of the awesome things I write about), but ranges all the way from India to the Philippenes. As this video will tell you, D. volans (as well as the other members of the genus Draco) can glide from tree to tree using specially-modified ribs. As if to spite me, any videos showing this feat usually show a snake chasing after the dragon. (The irony. It burns.)

How cute!

Please note that, unlike Saphira and those pet dragons in a certain dragon movie, members of the genus Draco tend to make very poor captives. Real dragons would, too.

Oh, Toothless? He's just happy to see you.

Creature Feature: Thorny Devil.

Today starts Lizard Week! Yes, after doing this guy, I had so many ideas for lizard entries that I figured, "hey, why not?"

Yesterday's little gecko was a warm-up. Now we're getting into the really weird lizards. Many of them, including this one, are in the surprisingly familiar iguana family Agamidae.

The Thorny Devil (also Thorny Lizard, Mountain Devil, or just Moloch- a Semitic term associated with pagan sacrifice, i.e. Satan) lives in the more arid areas of Australia. It spends much of its time strutting while looking for ants to eat. When water runs down its back, it gets redirected into its mouth by special grooves - great if you live in a place where rainfall is rare.

But who cares about that? LOOK AT THIS THING. Besides the two horns on its head that give its name, its body is covered in spines. A lot of nasty things live in Australia. I cannot think of one that would find this lizard appetizing.

They're tiny. They need all the spines they can get!

The horny bulbs on its neck also double as a fake head. If the Thorny Devil feels threatened, it will duck down its head, exposing its thorns to the world.

The Thorny Devil is often confused with another horned lizard - the kind native to the Americas. This sort of horny lizard has its own peculiarities, which should also be covered this week. (Note: For a while, I was confused about this, too!)