Newsflash: North America, Why No Monkeys?

I've said it countless times: I am not a monkey person. That does not mean the monkeys will not be covered on this blog. They just are not my cup of tea. Every so often, however, I feel obligated to do something related to monkeys because a lot of people think monkeys make everything better- even blogs.

So, for all you monkey people out there, have you ever wondered why North America has no monkeys? Well, Popular Science did an awesome article explaining exactly why: 

"I spoke to Dr. John Flynn, a paleontologist and expert on mammalian evolution at the American Museum of Natural History, to find out why the US is stuck with lame squirrels and pigeons and stuff rather than cool monkeys. "In terms of modern primates, that's a true observation," he said. "But 50 million years ago, there were primates here." It turns out there are lots of reasons why the ancient primates that inhabited what is now the United States--and even Canada!--no longer call those areas home.

Primates came to the New World (meaning North and South America) from, we think, Africa. As improbable as it sounds, scientists think early primates crossed the Atlantic Ocean and landed on the shores of both continents tens of millions of years ago, probably on some kind of vegetation raft. That's how most plants and animals get to isolated islands--which the Americas were, at the time. Fossils have been recovered of early primates in Texas a whopping 43 million years ago, the oldest primate fossil ever found in North America. But the continents looked very different then, compared to now; most importantly, North and South America were completely different islands. The Isthmus of Panama, which we now refer to as Central America, didn't appear until much later, by which time the climate on both Americas was very different from when the primates first landed there.
When they did first land here, the climate was much warmer than it is now, and the primates evolved and diversified to take advantage of that.

When they did first land here, the climate was much warmer than it is now, and the primates evolved and diversified to take advantage of that. During the Eocene, lasting from 56 to 33.9 million years ago, the planet warmed to an incredible degree. We've found evidence of palm trees in Alaska from that era. The entire planet, besides the very tips of the Arctic and Antarctic, was probably covered in rainforests, much of it tropical. For a monkey coming over from Africa, North America would have looked just great.

 Early primates thrived on both continents, with no contact between them. In North America, there were two main families of these primates: the omomyids and the adapids. There's some variation in size, behavior and diet, but in general, these were small, tarsier-like creatures with grasping hands and claws, large eyes, and bodies adapted to eat fruits, leaves, and insects. There's a lot of debate about the modern-day relatives to these primates; some think they're strepsirrhines, the family including lemurs, lorises, and bushbabies, but others think they're basal relatives of the tarsiers (which are primates, but not closely related to other monkeys).

Then the planet began to cool, and cool quickly. Forests died out. The poles covered with ice. Many of the flora and fauna that had populated the planet during the Eocene just couldn't survive in the new, colder world. This event is called the Grande Coupure--occurring about 33.9 million years ago, it was a mass extinction of animals, in which most of the world's creatures (aside from a precious few, like the Virginia opossum and the dormouse) were unable to adapt to the new climate and perished. It hit the primate family especially hard. In the New World, the primate population shrunk significantly. Any primate living in, say, the Great Lakes region simply went extinct, unable to cope with the new Wisconsin winters. " - Source with more. 


In other words, North America has no native monkeys for the same reason Paris and London are not crawling with monkeys. On some level, we have to sympathize; being relatively hairless primates, we wouldn't like living in Wisconsin winters, either.

Creature Feature: Golden Lion Tamarin.

A rather interesting question came to me in the form of a fortune cookie: Which would you rather have as a pet: a pig or a monkey? Both are notably intelligent, messy, and carry diseases that can cross over into humans. It's a fair question; answer it below if you like.

Now, as anyone who follows this blog is aware, I am not the biggest fan of monkeys. My answer to that question would probably be the pig, hands-down, if one particular type of monkey did not exist:

It's called a golden lion tamarin (Leontopithecus rosalia) (or "golden marmoset" for those of you without any imagination). It can be found in the Brazilian forests along the east coast. This monkey has a diverse diet of fruit, leaves, insects and eggs. Basics done - you may d'aww now.

The golden lion tamarin really looks like a little lion. Although not predatory like a lion, this monkey does have a "mane" of elongated hair along the sides of its face. This color supposedly comes from the carotenoids in their diet, much like flamingo coloration being the result of eating crustaceans. The tamarin also has claws - a rarity in primates, with the notable exception of all other New World monkeys.

Golden lion tamarins are also monogamous. Like wolves, they have a social structure in which the top male and top female mate. They mate for life while everybody else doesn't get any. Aww, just in time for- wait, it's not Valentine's Day, yet. Never mind. 

Alas, the golden lion tamarin is highly endangered, and not because it's darn adorable. A good chunk of its habitat has been chipped away by deforestation. The lion tamarin is considered one of the more popular endangered species - enough so that one of the characters in Tokyo Mew Mew has a tamarin as her animal splice. That said, any attempts to get one as a pet would probably be illegal. Guess I'd pick the pig after all.

Creature Feature: Pygmy Marmoset.

Monkeys are another group of animals that gets very little press on this blog. With a few rare exceptions, they were never really a favorite animal of mine. It's really about time we had another on this blog; even if I don't like them, I know that a lot of people find monkeys adorable.

...and this is one adorable monkey! It's a pygmy marmoset (Cebuella pygmaea), one of the smallest primates in existence! It is native to the rainforests of Brazil, Ecuador, and Peru, presumably existing to make the scientists there turn into piles of mush. It also has nicknames like "little lion" or "pocket monkey" in Portuguese. Yes, it's that cute.

Pygmy marmosets are the smallest monkeys in the world. They are only 14-16 centimeters long, excluding the tail (20cm). In American terms, this monkey does not even reach the six inch mark if you don't count the tail. Despite this, they are capable of jumping around 16 feet (5 meters) - quite a lot for a little monkey! The babies, umm...just look below. Really.

This pic says it all.

The pygmy marmoset feeds exclusively on tree gum. It gnaws holes in trees with its specialized teeth, then laps the resulting syrup out of the tree. It shares a habitat (and tree juice) with monkeys called Brown-mantled tamarins, who are far less cute. If the trees there run out of delicious sugar, the marmosets will move to sate their sugar cravings. Nature combined the cuteness of a monkey with a diet of nothing but sugar and shrunk it, just to make people squeal at the adorable furball; it's safe to say she hit a weak point.

Pygmy marmosets are very social creatures. They're born as twins, meaning that they've always got a sibling to keep them company. They communicate using every means possible, including scents and a variety of vocalizations.  They may even have the beginnings of language; certain calls are only used in certain situations, such as a particular trill used to communicate over long distances and a chitter if danger approaches. If confronted with a predator, they can and will mob it in an attempt to scare it away. Cute just got serious.

Hi! :D

Pet pygmy marmosets are a thing. This does not mean they are a good idea. The babies require feeding every two hours, you cannot keep just one marmoset, and they, like many monkeys, may throw feces at you. Most importantly, you need a permit to even own one legally. Just get a plushie  instead - it's much easier to take care of and will not get you arrested.

Big In Japan: Japanese Macaque.

We've said it several times: This blog does not have enough monkeys. The author is not particularly fond of most of them. So, when an interesting monkey comes along, you know it had better be a darn cool monkey.



The Japanese macaque is, in fact, the coolest monkey. Besides being from Japan (which is already pretty cool), it is not on the endangered list, can eat almost anything, and enjoys plenty of popularity in Japan's native culture. Yes, we know the Chinese Zodiac was made in China, and so was Journey to the West- the basis for the ever popular Dragon Ball series. They are, however, featured in a few Japanese folktales and can be used to describe particularly affectionate or horny people.

Japanese macaques are the only primates native to a cold climate. Aside from humans, no other primate lives as far north as the macaques. (Seriously, look on a map - Japan is pretty far north compared to Africa and the Amazon, two other places famous for monkeys.) Japanese macaques can be seen huddling together in blizzards for warmth, although we are pretty sure that having fur helps, too. The constant use of their wintery image has sometimes led to them being called "snow monkeys."

The snow monkeys also happen to be super intelligent - even by monkey standards. They have been observed washing food like raccoons - repeatedly. Groups of macaques mere miles apart can have amazingly different dialects. As play is a sign of intelligence, these monkeys have been known to roll in the snow and make snowballs (which are far more sanitary to throw than certain other things). By the way, these monkeys also like hot springs in winter- just like people!




Much to the delight of feminists everywhere, Japanese macaque groups are matrilineal. Everything in a macaque clan centers around the female. When time comes to mate, the female decides, making, ah, nonconsensual sex apparently nonexistent. They can and will mate with multiple males when the time is right.  They're even more vocal; like women at a beauty parlor, these monkeys will chatter to each other while grooming. Before you ask: Yes, these monkeys do have lesbians.

Prior to WWII, the biggest threat to these monkeys was habitat loss. As civilization continues to expand, humans will encroach upon the territories of these monkeys. Macaques on the edge of civilization have completely lost their fear of humans. There was one instance of a monkey living in central Tokyo for months. Whether this newly-found proximity is a good or bad thing remains to be seen. Let's hope that they do not become as naughty as the Japanese crows...

Creature Feature: Howler Monkey.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Enough with the creepy stuff - show us some cute and fuzzy! We haven't had any wild fuzzy things in a while. Maybe a monkey would be nice.

Wait a minute. Have we EVER done a monkey, here? We've done lemurs and a few other primates, but never an actual monkey. So, for those of you who like monkeys, here you go:



A Howler monkey is any particularly loud member of the genus Alouatta. They range from southern Mexico to northern Argentina, so they are prime mascot candidates for any and all rainforest conservation programs. They eat mostly leaves, but have been known to raid chicken coops as well. They sleep 5 hours a day, but for those other nine hours...hoooo boy.

Howler monkeys are the loudest land animal. Their guttural vocalizations, rightfully called "howls," can carry for up to three kilometers. Not only do they have loose skin around their throats to amplify their calls, but their hyoid bone (a bone that, for us, is between the chin and the thryoid gland) vibrates extra. Howler monkeys are the only mammals to have hyoid bones like this; birds and dinosaurs did/do, too.

I AM HERE. YOU ARE NOT. DEAL WITH IT.

The actual purpose of these howls is foggy. The current theory is that the males of howlers are super-territorial, so the howl keeps other males out. It may also protect the male's mates (with howlers having a 1:4 male-female ratio).  Until we get a translator for howler monkey, we will not know for sure.

Howler monkeys have a few other neat things going for them besides their voices. Like humans, howler monkeys can see the RGB spectrum. The howler monkey was a deity to the ancient Mayans, who considered it the patron animal of writers and artists. We would have said "patron animal of rock stars," but that works, too.