Creature Feature: Brown Recluse Spider.

After reading all of my blog posts, you are probably thinking that there is no creature that I will not obsessively love for a day. Just like everyone else, however, I have one creature that I simply do not like. That creature is the brown recluse spider (Loxosceles reclusa).



No, I am not an arachnophobe. I have nothing against spiders. My usual instinct is to take whatever spider I find and move it out of harm's way. I just do not like this particular spider, even though it lives in my neighborhood.

Brown recluse spiders are native to the midwestern U.S. down to the Gulf of Mexico. It is identified primarily by the fiddle-shaped mark on its back. It is also a fairly large spider, so it is easy to see this little deathbringer coming. Their favorite hiding places are in the basements and drawers of suburban households.

So, why don't I like it? Put simply, this:

One bite from a brown recluse causes necrosis. Some people feel nothing at first, but the area will become inflamed within a few hours. The pain slowly gets worse until the flesh and other soft tissues are rotted through. If that was not bad enough, the wound is also open to infection. Ouch.

Of course, it's the human's fault if the spider bites. The name says it all: These are shy spiders. Humans just made several perfect environments for these spiders to live in. Many spider bites are also misdiagnosed; Staphylococcus aureus can cause similar symptoms if it infects the bite. As a reminder, those are the same bacteria that have become resistant to antibiotics. Even if the spider is not initially responsible for necrosis, its bite is nasty.


It's even sadder when a llama gets bitten.

The recluse's bite is just about the only cool thing about it. There are no markings or similar that say, "hey, I'm a dangerous spider that may melt your skin off." I am not about to systematically eradicate these guys, but if one crosses my path, expect it to be hit with a newspaper.

Tomorrow: Oh SHIT that fish attacked my naughty bits!

Creature Feature: Sydney Funnel-web Spider.

Remember when we said that Australia had too much extant badass for a scorpion that shoots salad dressing out of its rear? That is because everything in Australia is equipped with something that can put a man in the hospital without difficulty. Even when we brought puppies over, they evolved to have an appetite for human babies. When the ecology is enough to turn a domesticated dog into a baby-killer in a relatively short span of time, you know something is hardcore about that place.

Everything in Australia is trying to kill you. Every. Living. Thing. The 'average' creepy-crawlies over there are no exception.

Look up any "world's deadliest spiders" list and the Sydney funnel-web spider  (Atrax robustus) will definitely be on it- probably at the top. The name says a lot: It's native to the area around Sydney, one of Australia's biggest cities, although it has gotten as far as England (likely thanks to imported goods). The spider lives in a special silk-lined burrow, thus "funnel web."

Sydney funnel-webs are medium-large spiders and look almost like Halloween decorations: Large, black, huge fangs, and would look darn scary dangling from a piece of twine. There are no special markings to tell you "don't touch this spider." All one has to know is that it, like everything else in Australia, is out for your blood.



Those giant fangs are not just for show. Unlike most arthropod pincers, they are designed to pierce. To use them, the funnel-web spider rears up, then strikes repeatedly at whatever is threatening it, injecting a lot of venom.

The male funnel-web's venom, atracotoxin, is a powerful neurotoxin that fucks with the sodium gates in the nervous system. It specifically attacks motor neurons, causing the twitch mentioned in the video. The spider gains no benefit from attacking humans except a killer reputation; this venom was originally intended to harm insect prey in the same way.

Seek medical attention immediately if bitten. Symptoms include tingling around the mouth, muscle spasms, excessive salivation, and, eventually, respiratory failure. A single bite can kill in 15 minutes, but if an antivenin is administered, it is not even a threat. They have gotten good at curing that deadly bite down under.

The good news is, once you know what a funnel-web looks like, they are easy to pick out and hit with a newspaper (or avoid). The bad news? They're everywhere around Sydney and Canberra. The males will wander during the warmer months of the year to find a mate. Their attraction to water often leads them to swimming pools; they can survive being drowned, and will bite if taken out of the pool by hand. One site said that the female sucks a little bit of the male's brain out during mating, which would make him a real-life zombie spider. Way to go, Australia: You've found a way to make the undead.


Tomorrow: It's a dinosaur! It's a bear! It's...neither of the above, but it has HUGE teeth!

Creature Feature: Jyorou-gumo (Nephila clavata)

Every culture has its own version of the succubus: A sexy, sultry she-devil who lures men into her bed, then either drains their energy or eats them afterward. In Europe, she has the typical, goatlike demonic traits when in her true form; the Greek lamia evolved into a seductive snake-woman; foxes in Korea, Japan, and China have long been known to use lovers for their own evil ends.


Oh, come on. You have to help this fox take over the world.

Japan has as big a thing for man-eating, seductive female monsters as Greece and Rome did (count the Greek monsters with racks. Hurry!). Besides kitsune (foxes), the yuki-onna ("snow woman"), hone-onna ("bone woman"), and several other female youkai prey on the libido of human men. The spider-lady jyorou-gumo (also written as 'jorogumo,' 'joro spider,' or 女郎蜘蛛) is one of the few seductive creatures with a basis in fact. (Fun fact: When the word is written in katakana, it is always referring to the arachnid.)

"I told you that she's hot as Hell..." The screencap is from CLAMP's xxxHOLiC, and the lyrics are from Lady GaGa's "Monster." It will become relevant very soon. (Plus, I'd hit that.)

Although many youkai come from real animals, there may be a particular reason that this spider wound up as a seductress. Like the black widow, the female jyorou-gumo is more brightly colored and several times larger than the male. After mating, the jyorou-gumo may try to eat him - the smaller the male, the more likely he is to escape.


The pretty one is the lady, this time.

The "prostitute spider" is just as notorious in Japan as the black widow is in the West, possibly for the same habit of sexual cannibalism. It is nonetheless viewed favorably; N. clavata is a gorgeous spider, and its golden thread is strong enough to make socks and bulletproof vests. Seriously.

Japan has another, vaguer youkai called the tsuchigumo ("ground spider") with a slightly different web to spin. Like jyorou-gumo, she is frequently portrayed as an attractive spider demoness, but her name is derived from a tribe of cave-dwelling dwarves in the Japanese Alps. She is not even consistently female; many stories feature male tsuchigumo. Other times it is simply a giant spider. This creature shares its name with the ground spider (Atypus karschi). The ground spider is not as beautiful as N. clavata, but I am sure that a spider fanatic can tell me how interesting it is. ;)

More on youkai: The Obakemono Project.

(YAY, my first spider article!)