Newsflash: Proteins and Dinosaurs with Funny Names!

So, I know a few people taking biology, organic chemistry, and other such things. It came up that the only reasons a Classics degree like mine was good were 1. it stokes your imagination like crazy and 2. it helps you name things for science. This led to a discussion about how things are named, including the rather bizarre Dracorex hogwartsia.

Dracorex hogwartsia was an herbivorous pachycephalosaur  ("thick-headed" dinosaurs). Like a certain other pachy who will definitely be getting some limelight this Halloween, it was discovered in the Hell Creek Formation in South Dakota.

Indeed, this dinosaur does look a fair bit like a dragon. The dome found on most pachies is reduced in Dracorex, leading to a very dragonlike skull. Primeval took advantage of the similarity: in one episode, a knight and a "dragon" crossed a time gap; they went so far as to give the Dracorex little fins, furthering the "dragon" idea.

But "hogwartsia?" Really, science? Forgive my use of internet slang, but "LOL."J.K. Rowling was, of course, thrilled to have a dinosaur name inspired by her work. Warning: people who know Latin tend to know science, and Rowling knows helluva lot of Latin.

Dracorex's odd pseudo-Latin is nothing compared to what some scientists have done with proteins, however. No matter how many pop culture references are named in dinosaurs, they cannot compete with how scientists have named genes and proteins lately. There have been a number of proteins named after video games or video game characters, proving just how nerdy scientists really are.

This is fanart. Not mine, just adorable.

Hey, weren't the new Pokemon games released this month? Why haven't I done anything on Pikachurin - the electric protein named after the most iconic Pokemon in existence? (There was also a carcinogenic gene that Nintendo sued over - this is not that gene.)

Pikachurin is a protein that helps the perception of light in mammalian eyes. Thisprotein is also known by the equally funny-sounding name EGFLAM ("EGF-like, fibronectin type-III and laminin G-like domain-containing protein")- we'll stick with Pikachu, thanks. It was named after Pikachu because it moved "lightning fast" and conducted electricity from the eyes to the brain. It's pretty much necessary for the human eye to function. Not a bad thing to name after a colorful electric rodent, although I'm sure the protein being discovered in Osaka, Japan had something to do with it.

Pikachu was not the first video game mascot to get his own protein. That honor goes to the sonic hedgehog protein. It is one of three genes in the "hedgehog" protein channel, with the other two being "desert hedgehog" and "Indian hedgehog." Sonic is the best studied, and with good reason: this protein has an impact on anything from brain development to the growth of digits and limbs. It's responsible for limb regulation in cetaceans, so if you ever see a dolphin with unearthly feet near the base of its tail, blame Sonic for that.

There have been some objections to naming a gene "sonic hedgehog," namely that it removes some of the sobriety that science is so well-known for. Me? I think once you've named a protein channel "hedgehog," you've already opened yourself to jokes. It's just a slippery slope like that.

"They Actually Eat That:" Japan and Soft Serve Ice Cream.

While in Quebec, there was certainly plenty of weird food to pick on. They had pate of elk and bison. Among my finds was maple syrup soft serve ice cream, located alongside maple syrup everything else. Not only was it delicious, but it brought back memories of Japan, of all places.

If China is the nation that eats everything, Japan is the nation that puts everything in ice cream. Specifically, they love soft-serve ice cream - and when I say love, I mean 大好きです！Yes, they are so fond of soft-serve ice cream in particular that "soft cream" has its own holiday. It has a million flavors to choose from, but a few of them are definitely only in Japan.

Let me make this perfectly clear: I do not hate any of the flavors presented below. In fact, I have tried quite a few of them and have to admit that Japan may be onto something. Soft serve in Japan is a very happy memory for me. Even the cheap flavors in the kiosks work quite well. Behold: vanilla, sweet potato, and green tea soft serve!

Source, but these are not hard to find.

Weird though some of the flavors may be, Japan knows what it is doing when it comes to ice cream. Most of the mixes they make actually taste good. Green tea, for example, is actually not bad mixed with cream and vanilla; think a green tea Frappucino in ice cream form. Even flavors like scallop can be pretty good. Yes, you read that right: scallop-flavored ice cream.

The source says it's pretty good, too.

There may actually be a reason beyond weird for these ice cream flavors, however. Often, these "weird" flavors pop up in rural areas. Local flavors of whatever suddenly become local flavors of ice cream as a sort of advertising for tourists. This accumulation of weird flavors in the countryside is very true; my trip to Iwakuni yielded an ice cream shop with 99 flavors, among other things.

Unlike some things that Japan does, I hope this catches on. It's harmless, delicious, and helps support local businesses. Please don't make ice cream out of Chicago deep dish or hot dogs, though. Just make a Garrett's soft serve blend with bits of popcorn in and all will be well. I'd totally buy that- hint hint.

Nature Strikes Back: The Infamy of Japanese Crows.

Crows are the last thing one would suspect after drunk elephants. Sandwiching them between elephants and big cats seems almost unfair. Nonehtheless. when it comes to species humbling humanity, it's hard to find a better example than Japanese crows. Well, that, or various bacteria and insects. Let's just stick with crows for now. Japan is in an all-out war with crows.

For starters, Japanese crows (Corvus macrorhynchos) are big. They're a great deal bigger than the crows in the United States. We'd make a joke about how this is the opposite of everything else in Japan, but one, that would be a lame joke, and two, Japanese hornets. For those of you who need a refresher, Beedrill, I choose you.



Japanese crows are not just big, they are smart, too. They have figured out how to use some big and fast like, say, a car or train to crack open a nut or shellfish. Step one: Put a nut or other crackable thing in the middle of a road. Step 2: Wait for a car or train to run it over. Step 3: Wait for said vehicle to pass. Step 4: Enjoy inner meat. It's quite an ingenious way to crack a nut, if I do say so myself.

Japanese crows take this to horror flick levels. There are several recorded instances of Japanese crows putting stones, not delicious nuts, on train tracks. This naturally caused train delays, although the jury is still out on While officials assure us that the crows were only putting small bits of gravel on the tracks, it's still a very odd behavior, and suggests a strange spirit to these birds - pardon the joke.

That's not all. These crows are evidently master trolls, too. In efforts to chase the crows away, exterminators look for crow nests...and hopefully find an inhabited one.Japanese crows are so smart that they'll predict where humans will look for a nest, then make a completely fake nest just to fool people. That's almost diabolical. If every criminal did that, the police wou- oh, wait. Was the Monster With 21 Faces in cahoots with these crows, by any chance?

Suddenly, what seems like "hey, that bird's using people technology to crack what it thinks are nuts or oysters - that's pretty smart" has become "we're glad these birds are using their intelligence to give us red herrings instead of outright killing us, Hitchcock-style." Welcome to Japan; it's a very scary place when you know some of the fauna. If corvid intelligence in Japan is any indication, they'll be around even longer than the people will.

"They Actually Eat That:" Inarizushi.

A lot of people are not adventurous eaters. Just today, I met with someone who had a bad experience with sushi prior to our meeting. He was a bit hesitant to try eel and shied away from sea urchin sushi (which only made me shy due to how pricey it was - see my entry on sea urchin for why). It's not the first time I've met someone shy like that.

Actually, as far as "weird" food goes, sushi is rather tame. This depends on what's in it- for example, fugu is not for the uninitiated. Most "standard" sushi rolls are just fine for people curious. Adventurous eaters will be please by the array of artistic sushi that has been created, even outside of Japan.  For now, let's look at something simple:

This is inari, inali, or inarizushi. Many a sushi place will have it. It is likely the safest sushi for those who do not believe anything with the "sushi" label could possibly be good.

Inarizushi is so named for one, or both, of two reasons. One, Japanese foxes (kitsune) are said to be highly fond of fried tofu. Two, inari are usually cut into triangles like fox ears. Three, Inari is the Japanese god of rice and closely associated with benevolent foxes, who are said to be his messengers. What? Whaddya mean, that was three reasons?

Inari rolls are made of rice wrapped in tofu skin. That's all an inari roll is: rice and tofu. The skin is fried in a sweet sauce, but really, tofu tastes like whatever it's been dipped in. It's a packet of tofu skin with rice stuffed into it. It's nothing nasty like raw fish. If you can handle Chinese food, you can handle inari. It's as safe as sushi gets.

Packaged inarizushi.

So, please don't be too intimidated by my weird food columns. A lot of it tastes just fine, but isn't something that "normal" American people try. Hell, Americans have done things with sushi that the Japanese would likely find disgusting, including putting cream cheese in anything. Try some of it; you might like it. 

Now, back to your regularly-scheduled pterosaurs. 

Mollusc Week: Japanese Flying Squid.

You knewJapan was going to make it on here. Somehow, somewhere, the oceans around Japan, AKA the Weirdness Archipelago, would turn up a mollusc so weird that this blog would have to cover it. Remember, the Japanese culture eats everything it possibly can from the sea; weird is on the menu. One could not expect, however, that Japan would be weird enough to yield baby eldritch overlords.

Baby Cthulhu, AKA the Japanese/Pacific Flying Squid (Todarodes pacificus), is exactly what it says on the label: A squid native to the Pacific Ocean around Japan down to Vietnam that, of all things, flies. All squid are predatory, so if you happen to see one of these hovering above you, your brains may not be safe. Squid have never been known to eat human organs, but there's always a first time. 

Now, like many "flying" animals, flying squid do not actually fly. The extended fins on their mantles are not capable of powered flight. They can glide up to 50 meters to avoid predators; while not impressive compared to arboreal creatures, that's still pretty far for whatever was trying to eat the squid. They also glide looking backwards, a feat that mammals and fish have only thought of in their wildest dreams. Wildest, stoned dreams.

They are, however, jet-powered gliders. The squid gets in the air via the same mechanic that it shoots out ink: jet propulsion. These squid simply get the eff out of the area instead of shooting ink. While this squid may not actually be able to fly, it's closer than most gliding animals simply by having a built-in engine. Rocky the flying squirrel doesn't count.

Worry not. These are small squid that are easily confused for flying fish. They only fly to escape...as far as we know. The cephalopod apocalypse is not near, but if we see bigger squid flying? Godzilla might be necessary. Also, get all the sushi chefs on this, pronto.

Creature Feature: Spotted Seal.

This blog has a lack of pinnipeds for no apparent reason.  Plus, I felt bad about delaying yesterday's entry, soooo....

Source.

...have a spotted seal. :)

The spotted seal (Phoca largha) is the quintessential 'seal.' It eats fish as an adult and smaller crustacean sas a pup. It is native to the north Pacific Ocean, including Japan, Russia, China, and Alaska.Althogh very similar to the harbor seal in appearance, the main distinguishing factor of the spotted seal is its irregular spots.

The spotted seal is one of those "puppy dog cute" animals. Excepting the carnivore teeth, this seal has no sharp parts. Sure, it weighs anywhere from 180-240 pounds and gets over two meters long, but that doesn't stop it from being adorable. It's even got a pointed face like a dog. What's not to like?

Source.

When they aren't swimming, spotted seals spend almost all their time on ice floes. They are usually solitary, but gather in huge crowds during mating season. They are among the few animals to temporarily exhibit a nuclear family (mom, dad, and baby) while rearing a pup. Otherwise, they are off on their own, diving up to 1,000 feet (300 meters) for their fishy prey.

Normally, the spotted seal is not endangered. It's so common that its There is an exception in China, where the seals from South Korea gather to breed. Not only are they China's only pinniped, but spotted seal meat and, umm, genitalia supposedly have medicinal properties. What? Were you expecting the Chinese not to eat seals?

Yes, that is a seal in a race car. OH JAPAN- copyright the folks at Digimon.

Of course,  since these seals are native to Japan, they have been Japanified. Japan takes anything remotely cute (or not) and turns it into colorful toys for all. The spotted seal, or gomafu azarashi,  is no exception; there are plushie spotted seals that one can hang from one's cell phone, a pet mamegoma video game, and other doses of KAWAII that overload most circuits. Most of us probably know Gomamon, the Digimon character, a lot better than anything else spotted seal-related from Japan. If it's weird and wonderful enough to wind up as part of the main cast in Digimon, it's weird enough to be on this blog, right?

Creature Feature: Musasabi.

Before you immediately assume that the title above is some sort of Japanese liquor, consider the following: 1. you know this blog only covers "LET'S BREW!" topics on Wednesdays, and 2. Japan is a chain of islands with a bunch of unique wildlife by default. Did you really think that their weird mythology just happened? Nooo, their wildlife inspired a lot of it, just to make things extra-disturbing!

Nocturnal = shiny eyes. The squirrel is not possessed...as far as we know.

The musasabi (Petaurista leucogenys) is known as the "Japanese giant flying squirrel" in English. Specifically, it lives in Honshu, Kyushu, and Shikoku in the Japanese archipelago, as well as Guangzhou in China. It eats fruits and nuts. They can be found fairly close to civilization, with Mt, Takao being only an hour away from Tokyo.

Once again, the question is "how giant is giant?" This video actually gives you a pretty good idea. For those of you who prefer stats, it can weigh up to 1500 grams and can be up to 90cm long including the tail. Aside from being a darn big squirrel, the musasabi can also glide up to 160 meters. It's almost as big as a cat, and it can all but fly. Japan has fine nightmare fuel indeed.

From here.

The weird does not stop at its size. Like something out of a hentai, the musasabi plugs the female's vagina with a sticky protein called a coitus plug after sex. There could be a number of reasons for this, such as increasing chances of fertilization. It also prevents other males from mating with the plugged female. Supposedly, they're monogamous, too. Between these guys and raccoon-dogs with overlarge testicles, we should not be surprised that Japan has a reputation for weird porn.

Although not as well-loved as the momonga, the musasabi does have some representation in Japanese culture. It can be found at Japanese exotic pet conventions, although, aside from having an easy diet, I cannot see these squirrels being good captives. There is also a popular Italian restaurant on the Keio line called "Musasabi." The mususabi, like the momonga, also has the rather funny honor of being a Kaiyodo sculpture and featured on a children's trading card:

Frankly, we're surprised that the electric momonga in Gen V doesn't evolve into this monster-squirrel. That would be kinda cool. FUND IT.

"They Actually Eat That: " Human Sushi?!

Japan has been seen as the land of, and I quote, the "weirdest sh*t since EVER" for a long time. This is not limited to porn. They eat anything that comes from the sea. Sushi wasn't weird enough - they had to go and make it square.

But would they seriously stoop to sanctioning cannibalism? Well....not really, but what they actually do comes pretty close. Allow us to present to you one of the most creative ways of playing with one's food: body sushi.

First of all, the title's misleading. This is not a human body cut up into bits and served as sushi.  This is sushi served on a human being - called nyotaimori if served on a woman ("female body presentation") and nantaimori ("male body presentation") if served on a man. The practice dates back to either geisha entertainment or yakuza meetings, depending upon whom you ask.  It's still rare, but not unheard of in Japanese culture and select Japanese restaurants around the world.

Being a living sushi platter takes intense training. You have to be completely still for hours. If this sounds easy, bear in mind that cold food is also involved. Don't worry about sanitation; every model who does this gets a sanitizing bath beforehand. Point is, even though the models are doing nothing, this is easily the hardest job involving doing absolutely nothing ever. You're covered in sushi and don't get to eat any of it.

There are varying thoughts on the practice of eating sushi off of human beings. China has banned it for health reasons. Quite a few people are freaked out by it. Participants say it's an artform; feminists think it objectifies women. That second point was brought to a head in South Africa, saying it damaged the integrity of the women down there. The practice is not going away regardless.



And if that wasn't weird enough? Confuse your inner psychopath with Cannibalistic Sushi. In the same vein as nyo/nantaimori, a realistic human body made entirely out of sushi is wheeled out before the entire table. Realistic "blood" gushes from the skin as soon as it's pierced with chopsticks; all of the innards are edible. Insofar as I know, CS is the only place that does this. So, umm, dig in; there's no risk of getting prions, just the occasional tapeworm.  Trust me, the tapeworm is the lesser of the two evils.

Food Week: Iwakuni Sushi.

Sushi is already a god among weird foods. Raw fish is weird enough to some people. Turning raw fish into art is weirder. The things Americans do with sushi is weirder still. Yet, in one small Japanese town, they have even stretched the definition of sushi...somehow.




Enter the unique sushi of Iwakuni, a small village near Hiroshima, Japan. Among other things, including one helluva cool samurai castle, white snakes, and a hot spring, Iwakuni is home to massive, square sushi. Reread that last bit a few times to let it sink in: "Massive, square sushi."

Iwakuni sushi is not what people think of when they think "sushi" in the States. There is no seaweed involved. It's square as opposed to on any sort of roll. The main ingredients are raw fish and egg. It looks more like a sandwich than sushi. This style is properly called "oshi sushi" and can be found in a few other regions as well. Iwakuni's is just among the most famous, and justly so; it's so big that cutting it looks like something samurai did after epic battles.

Suddenly, working as a sushi chef sounds awesome.

Legend has it that Iwakuni sushi was invented some 380 years ago. It's cut to be more portable than your average sushi, which also led to it looking an awful lot like lasagna. This has made it a favorite among the various military presences that occupied Iwakuni throughout history, including samurai and U.S. soldiers. Tourists are rather fond of it, too.

Alas, I did not get to try this rather strange sushi on my own rather brief trip to Iwakuni. It doesn't sound too bad, though. Strange, but not bad.

"They Actually Eat That:" Turtle Soup.

If you have ever read/watched a non-Disney version of Alice in Wonderland, you might have heard of a little something called "turtle soup." In Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, a gryphon and a mock turtle (to be discussed later) sing about the joy that is turtle soup.

But that's just Alice in Wonderland's doing, right? That book has trials about stolen tarts and other crazy things. For all we know, turtle soup might be something Carroll thought up while on drugs. I mean, who would think that a turtle would be appetizing? Right?



Nnnnope! Turtle soup is unfortunately very real, and is enjoyed by almost every continent with access to turtles. Freshwater, saltwater, doesn't matter - if a place has turtles, there is a good chance it has turtle soup. It's usually made with the meat or blood of a turtle. Hell, turtle soup is one of the few foods the U.S. has in common with Europe and China.

That said, turtle soup is illegal in most parts of the United States (which is probably why it's so obscure here). Back before we cared about things like sustainability,  the ideal turtle for soup required a turtle that was around ten pounds in weight. When we say "turtle" in this case, by the way, we are usually talking about either snapping turtles or green sea turtles. Yes, those sea turtles are the exact same kind that you see burying eggs on nature channels. Most of them are endangered, and a lot of other turtle species are vulnerable to over-hunting. Now you know why this soup's illegal in the States.

China is a whole different story. In China, soft-shelled turtles are farmed more or less sustainably. Hard-shelled turtles are avoided in soup for a number of reasons, but can still be made into jelly. Turtle soup is popular in China and Singapore to the degree that China has over 1,500 registered turtle farms. They're probably more economical and ecologically-friendly than pigs and cattle, but don't quote me on it.



As for Europe, they not only have turtle soup, but also...mock turtle soup. Technically, the 'turtle' singing in the Alice story is a mock turtle. Although no good description is given in the book, the artist drew the not-turtle as a bizarre mix between sea turtle and calf. The reason for this? Mock turtle soup utilizes a calf's less-palatable parts, such as the brains, horns, and hooves, in its making:

"Mrs. Fowle's Mock Turtle Soup,:^[3] "Take a large calf's head. Scald off the hair. Boil it until the horn is tender, then cut it into slices about the size of your finger, with as little lean as possible. Have ready three pints of good mutton or veal broth, put in it half a pint of Madeira wine, half a teaspoonful of thyme, pepper, a large onion, and the peel of a lemon chop't very small. A ¼ of a pint of oysters chop't very small, and their liquor; a little salt, the juice of two large onions, some sweet herbs, and the brains chop't. Stand all these together for about an hour, and send it up to the table with the forcemeat balls made small and the yolks of hard eggs." (Wikipedia. citing an old cookbook.)

Yeah. I'd take real turtle soup over that any day.

"They Actually Eat That:" Sea Urchin.

Sea urchins usually do a pretty good job of making themselves look unappetizing. Look at a sea urchin head-on and you will find a ball of spikes, spikes, spikes. There is a squishy little flesh ball somewhere within that mass of pointy spines, but it is hard to get to. Point is, who thought that eating these was a good idea?

Enter Japan. If it is from the sea, they have found a way to eat it. Urchin sushi, commonly called uni, is probably one of the few ways one can get sea urchin in the non-coastal areas of the world. Despite living right near the sea, Japan imports most of its sea urchins from Korea or the U.S. Surprise, surprise, sea urchins are in sushi - just like almost everything else in the entire ocean.



With sea urchins, however, things go from bad to worse. The sexual organs (gonads) of sea urchins are a delicacy in many parts of the world. It is said to have "the flavor of caviar, the trembly texture of panna cotta and the briny but bracing strangeness that comes with eating live oysters." (link)  They can cost up to 450 USD a kilo. The genitalia are so precious that eating sea urchin corals/roe has raised concerns about preserving coral reefs. Korean women called "haenyo" are sometimes reared from birth just to harvest sea urchins.

Japan, for once, is not the only place enjoying castrating small echinoderms.  Other countries also eat sea urchins. A popular dish in the Mediterranean involves raw sea urchin with lemon. Chile eats sea urchin as well. If a place is around the sea, it has probably found away to eat urchin. An appreciation for urchin can be seen as a sign of a true foodie, so if you happen to be in on any given coast, give it a try.

GOLD! Spiny, orange gold!

Should we be surprised that sea urchin has found its way into sushi and other seaside culinary styles? Of course not. Sea urchin is just one of those things that make one wonder who first thought it was appetizing. We can make an exception for sea otters. Otters eat sea urchins on a regular basis and are impossible to stay mad at.

Look into its eyes and tell it not to eat sea urchins.

Of course, China has done worse with echinoderms...but let's save that for next week.

"They Actually Eat That:" Kusaya.

It's hard to run out of foods that Americans would consider bizarre. We have such a strict perception of food that, if it cannot be wrapped in a bun/tortilla, it is considered at least slightly exotic.  There are also foods considered slightly strange even in their hometowns.

Ah, Japan. If I ever need to look for foods that we Westerners would consider weird, I always look East - and Japan is so far East that they call themselves "The Land of the Rising Sun." The only reason I know about this one at all is because my Japanese teacher told me it existed. (Thank you, Fair-sensei!)



Kusaya is one of the weirdest fish dishes to ever come out of Japan. Yes, the fish above look like  normal dried, grilled fish, but this particular method of cooking fish is only commonly done in a few select regions of Japan (particularly Hachijojima).  Alas, the weirdest thing about kusaya cannot be conveyed over the internet: It reeks.

You should all be very glad the computers cannot carry smells over the internet. Kusaya literally means "smelly fish." It's an apt name; people will notice right away if one of these is around.  Kusaya ranks right up there with natto on the list of "Japanese foods that even the Japanese don't wholly accept." People will notice if you open a package of kusaya on the train. Point is, its name is related to "kuso," "crap," for a reason.



Kusaya's strong smell comes from how it is dried: After the fish is broiled or grilled, it is dunked in fish sauce, which is effectively the parts of the fish that nobody wanted to eat. This fish sauce might not have ever been changed, meaning that not only is stuff rotting, but it is rotting faster with the sun's rays beating down on it from time to time. Let's be fair: Cheese reeks to people in Asia, too.

People usually have a love-hate relationship with kusaya. My Japanese teacher loves it - it's salty, so if you like salty foods, go for it. Other people cannot stand the smell. It is one of those foods that the Japanese will dare American people to eat. It can probably be found in Japanese grocery stores...just open it in private.

"They Actually Eat That:" Dolphin.

Japanese schools used to have a fine diet plan: "Something from the mountains and something from the sea." Japan does "something from the sea" wayyyy too well for its own good. If it is from the sea, they have tried to eat it. We've already covered fugu and eel, probably the weirdest things that Japan is known for eating...





Oh, right. Totally forgot about dolphin. Yes, there are some people in Japan that treat the stars of "So Long and Thanks For All the Fish" as yet another thing from the seas to be eaten. Just to be fair, Peru and the Solomon Islands also hunt dolphin. Dolphins can be either netted by accident or driven onto beaches by boats. Either way is pretty sick, so feel free to use your imagination on this one...although the latter is more common for systematic slaughter. 

The good news: The practice of eating dolphin is not widespread in Japan. Only a few poor fishing regions eat dolphin on a regular basis. Even then, dolphin is not cuisine by any means. It is certainly not shark fin soup. It is really only popular in one place, but people outside of that place love dolphins so much that pics like the one below are all over.



Exactly one town, Taiji, is enthusiastic about hunting dolphins to the point where they tried to popularize it. There were a number of reasons that they failed, the least of which is that dolphins are the most adorable rapists ever. Eating cetaceans is such a big thing for them that they have dolphin sashimi and humpback whale bacon. The kids in Taiji grow up with favorite dolphin and whale meats. They see dolphins as swimming beef, basically, and are irked by foreigners who do not respect the traditional Taiji diet. Most other people in Japan are horrified at what goes on in Taiji - assuming they learn about it at all.

However.

Some seafood companies, likely netting a few unfortunate dolphins by accident, figured out that  dolphin meat could be passed off as a cheap substitute for whale meat, which is more frequently consumed and quite expensive. This is probably as low as such companies can get. Oh, and consuming dolphin or whale meat is potentially dangerous.

Yep, screw humanity.

Cute factor aside, dolphin meat is not even safe to consume. Not only is the sea around East Asia horribly polluted, but dolphins have a lethal amount of mercury in their bodies thanks to bio-accumulation. (We do not know how the Taiji people are still living; they had 6 times the amount of mercury in their systems as the average Japanese person.) DDT, the same pesticide that pushed raptors to the brink of extinction, has also been found in dolphin and whale meat. Karma? You tell me.

Bio-Spot: The Meguro Parasite Museum.

Hello, Monday! Monday is Bio-Art day, but this Monday also starts "Big In Japan Week." That means every single entry will relate to something from Japan. This entry is no exception. (I decided to change it from "bio-art" to "bio-spot" for this one simply because not everyone would consider gift shop trinkets and a folded giant tapeworm artwork.)

As Bogleech rightfully pointed out, Japan is more fascinated with life than any other nation I've been to. Both the adults and kids were excited to see "Lion-san" at the Ueno Zoo. Apparently, they have a stronger science curriculum as well, covering all sorts of life forms that schools in the U.S. will not touch. They also possess the world's only known parasite museum. 

 Meguro is a suburb of Tokyo that has spectacular cherry blossoms every year, but the Meguro Parasitological Museum by itself attracts attention. It was established entirely by doctor Satoru Kamegai in 1953. Since then, it has been grossing out Westerners while proving one of Japan's most popular date spots. Only in Japan would they consider posing near a giant (8.8 meter) tapeworm an idea for a good date.

 

The museum is divided into two floors. The first has maps showing where certain parasites come from, as well as a general overview of parasites. The second sports all sorts of parasite specimens, showing their various life cycles and, sometimes, fully-preserved hosts. Somewhere, there is also a cafeteria with sushi. We do not think they deliberately put anything in there to go along with the theme, but after seeing the sorts of things that live in fish, it may be better not to eat the sushi. No offense meant.

So, where does the 'art' come into this? Parasites are extremely hard to take care of in a laboratory setting. That means that many specimens have to be mounted, which Japan happens to be good at. That tapeworm is more impressive folded like that than it would be in a jar, right? Plus, hey, they made a tapeworm T-shirt and sealed actual parasites into plastic. Stop making me want to go back to Japan, Meguro.

As the official site says: "Try to think about parasites without a feeling of fear, and take the time to learn about their wondrous and resourceful way of life." Good advice!

"They Actually Eat That:" Lotus.

We get so much into the strange animal foods every week that we tend to overlook plants. Veggies can be strange, too. One can learn a lot about cultural values by what plants they eat - for example, there was a time and place when it was forbidden to eat root vegetables because they were underground. Also, some places just plain don't have certain plants.



Lotuses (Nelumbo nucifera) are among those plants that some places do not eat simply because they are not native. To many Asian cultures, the lotus is a symbol of enlightenment because it emerges from grimy pond bottoms to float atop the water. It can also be interpreted as a symbol of chastity because it comes up so cleanly from the dirt. The Indian name "Padma" and its derivatives all come from the lotus. It's a very popular plant, to say the least. (Read: this is just scratching the surface of the lotus's cultural significance!) 

The popularity of lotuses extends into cuisine, albeit for more practical than spiritual reasons. The flowers, roots, seeds, and young leaves of the lotus are all edible. Nearly everywhere lotuses grow, people have found ways to eat them. Some cultures pop the seeds like popcorn; the not-very-edible stems can be used to flavor tea; the roots have a multitude of uses. (Yes, I have actually eaten lotus root.)



Lotus root is uncommon if not outright difficult to find in the U.S. It is easily identified by its lacy pattern and round shape. The root is crisp, crunchy, and often seasoned. Put them in salad, broil them, pickle them...eat them however you like! Lotus roots are very nutritious, particularly if one does not have enough fiber in one's diet. Buddhism and other religions that recommend vegan/vegetarianism should be flocking to lotus root and/or konjac. Remember, the latter is illegal in the United States.

Just because a plant is seen as pure and holy certainly does not mean it cannot be eaten. One could almost call it sacrelicious, but there are no prohibitions against eating lotus. It's just a little strange to most of us. Then again, in the West, a certain major religion encourages the symbolic practice of eating the flesh and blood of a certain magic individual, so we should be the last ones to judge other faiths.

"They Actually Eat That:" Imitation Crab.

Remember the 90's? Back then, we had all sorts of chemically-processed sh*t disguised as food and drink. Things like Hi-C and Sunny D were only such-and-such percent juice. Cheese slices were not necessarily cheese. Artificial colors were everywhere, and gave kids unnecessary cases of ADD that made psychologists money. The food industry is still very, very fake...even in 'fresh' foods like sushi.

Usually, if a sushi roll has crab in it, it will be something called 'crab stick.' Crab stick is that strange white substance wrapped in red. It is often accompanied by various vegetables in the standard California roll. Chances are you will not know it is crab stick and not actual crab unless A) you have an extremely acute sense of taste or B) read the label on your sushi.

Yes, I just said that crab stick has no actual crab in it. It's not called "imitation crab" without reason.

 

Crab stick is mostly made of the miscellaneous whitefish called "Alaskan pollock." This fish is technically a type of cod, and is considered one of the few remaining palatable and sustainable fish in the world. Just so that we do not get the wrong idea here, Japan has a fair amount of processed whitefish products called kamaboko, but this seems to be the only one intentionally imitating another type of meat.

One of the other common ingredients in crab stick is egg whites. After fish and egg whites, there is usually a fancy-sounding binding agent such as the enzyme transglutaminase, to hold it all together. Slap some red food coloring on and presto! Instant "crab."

I can't tell if that's real crab or not. Probably not.

 

Notice how none of the above ingredients are even remotely related to crab. Even the canned lobster from what? Two-three weeks ago? is not good enough to get into fake crab. At most, crab sticks contain crab flavoring. Not only are crab sticks not crab, they are not even made of crustaceans. 

Remember: No crabs were harmed in the making of your sushi. Probably. 

"They Actually Eat That:" Squid.

Cephalopods, the family including octopuses, squid, and cuttlefish, are among the sea's weirdest residents. Despite not having spinal cords, they are strange, wonderful creatures. Octopuses can morph into any shape, walk on land, and predict soccer match outcomes with surprising accuracy. Cuttlefish are like living mood rings. Squid, well...

 

Everybody eats squid. Go figure, Japan eats the most at 700,000 tons.

"Calamari" is the general term for squid as food. It is derived from the Italian "calamaro", which just means "squid." Greek and several other languages use similar words. Calamari as most restaurants in the U.S. serve it is deep-fried and served with dips; think of them as fleshy onion rings. Other garnishes, sauces, and cheeses may be used depending on where you go. One Spanish calamari recipe even uses the squid's own ink as part of the sauce!



Japan, China, and other places in the East not only eat squid, but have picked up the idea and ran with it. Sushi with squid on or in it is called "ika" (again, just another word for "squid"). Squid can also be served alive (ikuzukuri), or at least very, very fresh. Korea and Japan have a particular taste for the only type of squid that can see color - and it glows in the dark!


Dude, that's trippy...let's eat it!

Eating tiny, glowing squid is just the tip of the iceberg. Japan puts squid on their pizza and squid ink in their soft serve ice cream. Anyone who has seen the movie Host knows that dried squid are sold as snack food in Korea, China, Japan and Taiwan. The West has pork rinds, the East has squid hung out to dry.



No wonder Cthulhu's always in such a bad mood. We're eating his babies. 

Next week: Breast milk. We swear that Qwaser has nothing to do with it.

BodMod Week: Bagelheads.

We can understand some silicon-saline implants. Rack jobs, for instance, look all right. Getting the same thing done to one's nutsack is slightly less attractive, but no less logical if one is trying to outdo a tanuki in endowments. (For your own safety, do not Google Image that.) The majority of saline treatments have no such method to their madness.

Do you remember that that one guy in high school who would do anything, and we mean ANYTHING, just to be different? We swear that this way of thinking is the only justification for "bagelheads." (No, they are not called that in Japan.)

 

Bagelheads are exactly what they sound like: People with one or two saline solution bagels rising up out of their foreheads.This is done by a professional piercer with a saline drip that causes the desired area to swell up immensely like an intentional tumor. The lump can then be molded into any shape.



In general, this mod is called body inflation; "bagelhead" is used only to describe the strange cluster of individuals that have picked a bagel instead of some other shape. Presumably, the bagel was chosen because there are a lot of commuters in Japan and the lumps are fun to dye like real bagels. By the way, rumor has it that some people do not stop at the head and get bagels in their arms, breasts, and asses.

Why? It's a fad. Like all fads, it is silly and most of its followers are doing it just to feel cool. There are, as far as pics can tell, not that many people doing it (a search yields only 2-4 different bagelheaded individuals). Besides, how many people do you see in Tokyo with bagels on their heads? Surely that is a sign telling Godzilla to eat them first. 

Mmm, donuts!

The good news is that bagelheads are temporary. They only last for a night before one's immune system takes care of them. Side-effects include stretched skin (no, really?), headaches (again), infection, eyes swollen shut, and the same sordid feeling that one gets after reading bad hentai. Imagine if bagelheads were permanent; people would regret getting their baker's dozen if they were stuck with flesh-bagels.

Tomorrow: Tattoos and silicone injections - two things that people often wind up regretting. Especially in combination.

"They Actually Eat That:" SPAM.

Let the clip speak for itself. Watch it, then come back.

This Monty Python sketch alone fueled Spam's amazingly prominent place in pop culture. Notice how the inclusion of Spam in every menu item interfered with the overall appeal of the food; that is how the technical term "spam" came about. You have Monty Python to thank for your spam filter. If it was called the "annoying e-mail filter," it would not have caught on nearly as well. The food is so talked-about that Weird Al even has a song about Spam.

The question is...what is it?


The tab is there to open the can...the can is there to hold in the Spam. Goggles on, everyone!

Spam was invented in 1937 by Hormel ham. It contains "spiced meat and ham" - of pigs, obviously. It should be spelled with all capital letters as per trademark laws. Other backronyms include "Special Product of Austin, Minnesota," "Something Posing As Meat," and "Spare Parts Animal Meat."

Silly nature aside, Spam consists of pig meat preserved with water, potato starch, salt, sodium nitrite, and, of course, the can. The gelatinous glaze on Spam is made from aspic, a sort of gelatin made from various meat sources. Aspic is, in itself, pretty gross; please, somebody tell us how this is supposed to be appetizing:


This is not Spam. This is the stuff that preserves Spam.

Spam is often confused with mystery meat, even though it's pretty obvious that everything came from a pig. It comes in several flavors and tastes "kind of like ham." Its status as a heavily-preserved canned food means that it was both popular in the military and is generally thought of as a "poor man's food" by people in the continental U.S. Just about the only people on the mainland who really get a kick out of Spam are the manufacturers in Austin, Minnesota and a yearly, parody Spam festival in Austin, Texas. It's the Texans' job to make Spam appetizing. Porky Pig help us all.

 

Despite the preservatives and its "who knows what's in that can?" nature, Spam has slightly fewer rabid fans than Lady Gaga. Korea, China, Okinawa (not technically Japan), Hawaii, the Philippines, and Guam all love Spam.The average person on Guam consumes 16 tins of Spam each year, and this is likely not counting the Spam in every McDonald's and Burger King on Guam. As if fast food could not be any worse for you.

As for Korea, China, and Okinawa...tip of the iceberg. They have done far weirder things with far weirder meats. We're going to let them slide on this one just because dog just so happens to be on the menu in some of those places, and Japan would eat the flesh of Dagon if they could wrap it in rice. Spam looks sane by comparison.

This is actually from Hawaii,  whose cuisine was HEAVILY influenced by Japan.

Next week: Whaddya mean, "I haven't covered calamari yet?" It's actually pretty good!

[Note: Midterms in everything coming up means Kuro something-something. Be glad I got this entry through.]

Creature Feature: Vampire Moths.

"I'd come back as a butterfly."

"Why?"

"Because nobody ever suspects the butterfly. Mwahahaha!" - Bart Simpson.

Indeed, who would suspect a butterfly of doing anything sinister? Moths are slightly more suspicious and annoying, but still nothing to worry about unless you have a precious wool sweater. All of Lepidoptera seems pretty innocent; even the moth with a skull on its back is harmless. They are hardly frightening creatures.

Oh, wait. Except that moth.

Moths of the genus Calyptra have a sinister secret hiding beneath that demure, brown coloration: Their proboscises have evolved to become sharp enough to pierce mammalian flesh. While pulsating their bifurcated mouth parts into a mammal's (that means your) body, they slowly suck up some vital fluid. (By the way, the case is opposite with these moths and mosquitoes; the males bite.) Expect the bite to hurt for 2-3 hours after the moth has left. They are not disease vectors like mosquitoes, so you will definitely live to say that you got bitten by a vampire moth.

 

Nobody is sure exactly how these moths became dusty, fluttering nosferatu, but the current theory is that related moths first evolved those strange mouth parts to suck fruits juice out of fruit. Sucking human blood is just an extension of that talent. Umm, wow, science; does this mean that we should all start fearing vegans?


Yes. No good can come of an image like this.

Oh, and by the way, Calyptra moths are native to southeast Asia, Japan, China, the Urals, and southern Europe...or they were. They have now spread as far as Finland; a few have also been spotted in Sweden, a little further West. If this keeps up, they will get to America and have terrible literature written about them within the next few decades.

At least they don't sparkle.


Tomorrow: The parts of the pig that you never thought would have a use DO have a use; also, see how awesome pigs used to be!