Creature Feature: Longhorn Cowfish.

The idea of "you can slap any word onto 'fish' and it's probably a thing" makes for a rather funny game. Triggerfish are subtle; there is a trigger there, but it's not obvious unless you're looking for it. Surgeonfish? Yeah, I don't get it, either, but I wouldn't trust it with open-heart operations either way. Squirrelfish do not look like squirrels - period. Then there are cowfish...

Source.

...yeah, that one works pretty well, actually.

Cowfish are members of the boxfish family, which are closely related to pufferfish. Yes, like fugu, these fish are poisonous. They are native to tropical waters; many of them can be found in the Indo-Pacific. They eat crustaceans, like fish and crabs, as well as plants like algae. The longhorn cowfish ( Lactoria cornuta) is the most popular.

Cowfish are best known for, well, looking like cows. They have boxy bodies and long horns coming out of their heads. Like cows, they are also tanks; the scales on this fish's body are fused into a tough shell. They are slow swimmers and grunt when captured. We'll cut the fish some slack because a mooing fish would be just crazy, and they look enough like cows without sounding like pigs. Moo.



Cowfish have another defense aside from looking like cows: if irritated, they excrete a nasty poison. It is called ostracitoxin and cannot be broken down as it is not a protein. It is hell-bent on destroying other fish, and is hemolytic to boot. It kills sharks. Even other boxfish are not immune to one PO'd cow. The meat is also poisonous. No cowfish steaks for you!

Good gods, cowfish are popular in captivity. They are available at Petco if the online search results are any indication.  This does not mean they are beginner fish - it means that you need to read directions. Cowfish are generally peaceful, easy-going fish that take their time and do not like stress from having a lot of tankmates.  Failing to acclimate them properly may result in poisoning your whole tank. Popular, but still not for beginners, so if you're a newbie, don't get a cow, man.

Freak Week IV: GloFish Return!

A while back, I did an entry on GloFish. These little glowing zebrafish have been in Petco for quite a while now, looking unnaturally beautiful in a section already loaded with alien-looking animals. As I spend a decent amount of time there, I began to notice new GloFish. They were, and presumably are, very popular. Why wouldn't they be?

For those of you completely unfamiliar with GloFish, GloFish (TM) are fish spliced with the fluorescent gene from various cnidarians- jellyfish, sea anemones, etc. This gene glows under blacklight - not really "glow in the dark," per se, but close enough. They were originally developed to track certain genes in zebrafish throughout the fish's life cycle. They have caught on in pet stores as well.

Originally, GloFish only came in three colors: reddish pink, neon orange, and electric green. Since then, GloFish have added ("cosmic") blue and ("galactic") purple to their crayon box. These aren't as impressive as the hotter side of the spectrum, but still quite cool. I look forward to seeing what they do next.

Image from GloFish.com.

Much to my relief, GloFish has also added tetras to its glowing aquarium.  I have heard some debate over exactly what kind of tetras these are; I've heard "white skirt" (Gymnocorymbus ternetzi) and am going with this. Like danios, these are freshwater fish, so don't worry too much about salinity. Angelfish are supposedly next, but glowing koi would be amazing (and raccoon food). Currently, the tetras only come in Electric Green.

Recently, there has also been some concern about releasing GloFish into a natural environment.  (I will not get into "domesticated" VS "wild" here- it's all very hazy and subjective.) They could be harmful if released, just like any other invasive species. Several countries have banned GloFish for the simple reason that they are genetically engineered. Personally? A bright red danio would probably not stand a chance in the wild. Still your call on whether to take them into your house or not.

Creature Feature: Unicorn Tang.

While I was in San Antonio, a strange, white fish with a horn caught my attention in the Rainforest Cafe's fish tank. I posted a pic of it on my Twitter; no luck with identifiication. A month later, in Houston, I finally got a name for it: unicorn tang. No, Rarity from My Little Pony is not sponsoring the orange juice of astronauts, although that would be funny.

The unicorn tang (Naso unicornis) is a surgeonfish sporting a single strange horn above its nose.  It is native to most warm, tropical waters, including those around Hawaii and Polynesia. It is a herbivore, feeding on algae.It may also pick on bits of meat in captivity.

There are a few types of unicorn tang, but they all have one thing in common: a horn above their noses. The horn starts growing when the tang hits the six inch mark (in N. unicornus). It breaks off against coral and nets. Nobody knows what this horn is used for. We do, however, know that it doesn't heal the sick like the horn of a 'real' unicorn.

Perhaps more impressive, than the horn are the hidden spikes above the fish's tail. Each unicorn tang has two sets of these blades, making them double trouble if mishandled. These tail blades are used for defending themselves and protecting their territory. This unicorn packs a kick, and it doesn't even have legs.

Unicorn tangs are uncommon in the exotic pet trade. They need at least 180 gallons, if not more, to be comfortable. This big fish maxes out around 2 feet, making it unsuitable for most home tanks. Unicorn tangs are considered peaceful most of the time, but can be aggressive with other tangs. There are currently regulations on catching unicorn fish; This does not stop people from doing it. Ask where your aquarium specialist got his fish on, please.

I Actually Ate That: Basa.

If you are ever in Houston and like fish, check out the Kemah Boardwalk. They have a restaurant there called "The Aquarium." It delivers what it promises: a giant aquarium makes up the centerpiece of each level, with smaller aquaria along the sides and a pillar aquarium along the stairwell. O.K., plug over.

They also had an exotic Asian fish on the menu that, as it turns out, is debatably-legal:

Source.

The "whitefish" hidden beneath a mountain  of fruit and breadcrumbs was a Vietnamese fish called basa (Pangasius bocourti). It's native to the Mekong River delta. This fish is wholly herbivorous, making it actually a bit healthier and easier to farm than most fish on the market. Several other fish may be erroneously labeled as basa, so have your wits about you at the fish market. Basa are also called "panga," "bocourti," or "river cobbler," so...just ask the right questions.

Here's where the sketchiness comes in: basa cannot be legally labeled as catfish. (The menu called it "Asian whitefish;" I pressed for more details.)  Even though they are technically catfish, there have been a few SNAFU's when it comes to labeling this oriental fish.  People in the U.S. and Britain seem to have a really hard time deciding what to name this fish.

The U.S. has a particular concern with this one. There was a "catfish war" in the early 2000's. In short, the Vietnamese were accused of flooding the market with basa and marketing it as "catfish" - also the name for the whiskered fish native to North America. Catfish farmers and the USDA were worried that basa might interrupt the profits of the native American catfish, so basa sellers were forever banned from using that word. They have to use other words instead.

Luckily, a rose by any other name indeed tastes as good. The taste if largely neutral to most people (another selling point), but 75% of taste-testers preferred basa to catfish.Whether it is ethical or not is another matter; I am unsure on the veracity of this thread, but given what we know about factory farming fish in Asia, no surprises there. The U.S. is not any better in this regard; nearly all fish farms have skeletons in their closets. Sorry, catfish farmers; best be graceful in defeat this round. 

Creature Feature: Pacific Salmon.

 When most people think of salmon, they think of one of two things: 1. pink fish meat, 2. the crayon named after pink fish meat, 3. a generic fish that gets caught by grizzlies on nature programs. If only the life of the salmon was emphasized instead; they're really more fascinating than their rather mundane status as a food fish lets on.

Pacific salmon are salmonids in the genus Oncorhynchus. They breed in the Pacific Ocean, ut spawn in freshwater- exactly how awesome this is will be detailed later. There are a lot of different types of Pacific Salmon out there (7-odd species). They have a fair amount in common, so I hope nobody minds if I use a video of sockeye salmon at one point and Coho at another.



The rule of thumb in fishing is that salmon migrate and trout stay in one place. While not 100% true, salmon are known for an extensive migratory route, called a salmon run. They spawn in freshwater, then the adults die. The young (fry) then migrate upriver in an epic journey to the ocean, where they meet up with the other adult salmon lucky enough to make the journey. Then the cycle starts again, with adult salmon swimming downriver, using scent to find their way back to the place where they were born.That's right: These fish change from being saltwater to freshwater and back again, and swim back to the exact location where they were born using scent trails alone. Consider your mind blown.

But wait. It gets better. 

During this migration, male salmon undergo a mutation unlike that of any other fish. They develop menacing jaws, which have the specific term "kype." These all look like they swam straight out of the icy bowels of Cocytus and wish to eat your face off. Being bright red-pink does not keep those jaws from being terrifying. The hunch is also a bit disturbing. Aside from sex change, this is the most drastic change in any male fish over its lifetime.

Hatchery impact on salmon mostly comes into play in the ocean. Adult fish are harvested from the ocean, with females being gutted for their eggs. Multiple males are then forced to, umm, fertilize the eggs to ensure genetic diversity. The young are raised at a building until they're mature enough to swim in the streams. The impact has been severe enough to endanger wild salmon populations; hatcheries are both responsible for the decline and capable of preserving some of the more at-risk species. Pollution doesn't help, but it is really hard to legislate fishing. Hatcheries may soon be the only source of salmon, so be careful of what you're eating.

Salmon is one of the healthiest fish to consume, being a good source of protein and Omega-3 fatty acids. Remember that salmon lead interesting lives, and that mature male salmon pack a terrifying face that will haunt your nightmares. You're welcome.

Creature Feature: Alligator Gar.

Ever notice how people are oddly limited when it comes to terrifying fish? We have piranhas, sharks, and barracudas that have a track record of being merciless killers.By comparison, killer snakes get a million movies,

So, tell me: How come someone hasn't made a flick about this mean fish, yet?

 

For those of you who did not just run away screaming, that ugly mug belongs to an Alligator Gar (Atractosteus spatula). Alligator Gars are native to much of the United States, but can also be found in Asian aquaria, leading to horror stories after floods run through SE Asia. As a freshwater fish, however, there are oceans separating the two populations.

My first reaction upon looking up how terrifying the Alligator Gar could be: "MOSASAURS LIVE!" This thing is called an alligator gar for a reason. That snout and those teeth look like they belong on a crocodilian. Despite this, the alligator gar is actually a primitive fish, meaning that nature just really likes giving things pointy sharp teeth. As if we didn't know that already.

These fish are also huge. They get 8-10 feet long - over 2 meters for you metric people. That's a lotta fish, to quote the horrible Godzilla movie. This length, and the meat that comes with it, has led to restrictions on its fishing, but there are still a few restaurants with it if you know where to look.

Did we mention that  'gator gars' can last up to two hours above the surface of the water? How about their potential to seriously injure anyone who catches them by weight alone? Even their scales were sharp and hard enough to be used as arrowheads. The oldest of these fish just happens to be somewhere in the 50's-70's, so this terror will be around for quite a while.

Although usually illegal to keep as pets, it is possible to get a massive terror-gar for your pond. Yes, you need a pond to hold these guys. The "alligator gars" found in most pet stores will usually be a smaller species. Please do your research thoroughly; it may save you money and limbs.

Creature Feature: Queen Triggerfish.

It is really important to know every little thing about every little fish you want to put in an aquarium. Some fish are friendly. Other fish look nice, but have a mean streak a mile wide. Not all pretty fish are good tank fish.

Welcome to the world of triggerfish, a whole group that usually doesn't play nice with others. Several of these fish are popular in the aquarium trade, but today we'll focus on the queen triggerfish (Balistes vetula). It's native to the warm waters of the Caribbean Islands, Florida, and other awesome vacation spots in the Atlantic Ocean. It eats mostly sea urchins, which grants it a few auto-badass points.

This fish just looks impressive. It's big, for one thing - about two feet at adult size. Unlike many big fish, actually has the coloration to make it look good. Its palette is a combination of gold, turquoise, and royal blue. As with all triggerfish, there is a spike-like fin that is  functional as well as fashionable; it can lock the fish in a hole in case a predator tries to pull it out.

What's even more amazing is how this fish eats sea urchins in the wild. There are two that have been recorded: in one, the triggerfish picks up a single spine of the sea urchin in its (very strong) mouth, then drops it so that the urchin lands belly-up; in another, the queen triggerfish uses Water Gun to get the urchin into a more vulnerable position. Remember, this fish lacks the limbs to break 'em open like a cute little otter. Craftier, stealthier means must be employed.

Queen triggerfish are just about the worst triggerfish to try and keep in an aquarium.  Sea urchins aren't easy to come by unless you happen to have a fresh fish market down the street; instead, feed captive specimens a mix of krill, shrimp, octopus, and squid - the whole invertebrate sushi menu, basically. Queens get roughly two feet in length, which is enough to turn away most beginners. They are also aggressive as all get-out and can inflict very nasty bites on humans, too. Even other triggerfish have nothing on the queen. Long live the queen, and unless you're really experienced, keep her in the wild!

Creature Feature: Neon Tetras.

At the Lit Fair today, one author who wrote a book about shapeshifters and other superpowers got into a convo with me about GloFish. She herself was a bio major at Northwestern, so she got a huge kick out of us now being able to make zebra danios in every color of the rainbow. She thought her son would get a kick out of them, too. Well, whatever it takes to possibly make glowing rats (or snakes!) into pets works, I suppose.

For those of us who aren't so keen on Frankenfish, there are neon tetras. Neon tetras are among the most popular and manageable aquarium fish around, along with being beautiful to boot. Most specimens in the U.S. are imported from Thailand or Hong Kong, but the fish is actually native to South America. This entry is just about the neon tetra Paracheirodon innesi - any other 'neon tetras' don't count, here.

Now, to be fair, neon tetras do not glow like GloFish. They instead have a bright blue, iridescent stripe running along their bodies. This evolved so that other neon tetras can recognize them in the darkwater rivers of Brazil, Peru, and Colombia.  The stripe and red marking actually become duller when the fish rests - a neat color-changing trick rarely seen on land. Still, this is probably as close as you're going to get to a 'natural' GloFish, especially if you're on a budget.  Buy a school of them; they'll be happier and more colorful that way.

Neon tetras are omnivorous. While they will do fine on flake food in captivity, some meatier things like brine shrimp are also recommended.  Some special pellet foods even contain supplements to enhance the tetras' natural coloration. Bear in mind that they'll still dull a little when stressed or tired. They may not be what most people think of when they hear "Omnivorous fish," but they won't be happy on fish flakes. They also get along well with other tetras and guppies. (Do your research, as usual.)

Although generally seen as a 'starter fish' for tropical fishkeeping, neon tetras have one nasty disease. It's simply called "Neon Tetra Disease" and is characterized by restlessness, loss of color, cysts, and difficulty swimming. Despite tetras being a very popular fish, there is no cure for the disease.  Since tetras are hard to breed (again, despite their popularity), you will likely have to dispose of all the tetras and buy more from Thailand if they get hit with NTD. Tetras are beautiful fish, but beauty is far from permanent.

Week of the Abyss Cont'd.: Walking batfish.

Yes, that is a fish...and it's walking.  Creationists beware: You have found your proof that Darwin was right.

Just when you thought anglerfish could get no weirder, the walking batfish crawls up and says "hello." They are native to nearly all oceans, and can also be found in shallower waters. More on those varieties later.

Fish-people are inevitable.

 

The walking batfish (Family Ogcocephalidae) barely looks like a fish at first glance. Its pectoral fins have been modified to walk on the ocean floor. With limbs so adapted for walking, batfish are poor swimmers. They are also proof that Dagon is, in fact, raising an army in the depths. Shh, keep that one a secret between us.

All species of batfish are predatory. Like other anglerfish, they have a lure (properly called an "esca") at the end of their long noses. Instead of using light like most other species, however, this lure emits a chemical bait. Abyssal hunters tend to be very lazy; all the fish has to do is snap prey up. They usually eat worms, fish, and small crustaceans.

I'm Batfish. And

Several species of New World batfish live in shallower waters. These species are...colorful, to say the least. One could honestly wonder whether the fish above was a poor PhotoShop job. One species, the Louisiana Pancake Batfish, was damaged by the Gulf spill early last year, so please pay it a visit while you still can. People who know about this weird fish have been bemoaning its decline thanks to the spill.

Oh, and by the way: This is one of the few abyssal creatures that one can actually keep as a pet. There are several videos of these fish walking in aquaria and a few care sheets floating around. The requirements for batfish are kind of specific, but we almost guarantee that nobody else on the block will have one.

Creature Feature: Pipefish.

It is possible to take almost any word, attach "fish" to it, and, lo and behold, it will be a real animal. One of the few words that do not work with this is "peach." Other words beginning with the letter "p," like "pipe" and "parrot," are just fine. Don't believe me? Here's a pipefish:



Pipefish are long, slender fish covered in armored plates. As their strange jaws suggest, they are related to seahorses. Their diet consists largely of copepods - small crustaceans. They are native to tropical ocean waters, with only a few of the 200-odd species being freshwater fish. They are quite popular in reef aquaria and on snorkeling expeditions.

The name of the pipefish subfamily, "Sygnathidae," refers to the fishes' fused, tubular jaws. With a tube like that, the pipefish feed like one might expect: As living Dust Devils. They create a suction in their mouths that sucks in little copepods and smaller fish.

 

Pipefish, like seahorses, have the male adapted to give birth to the babies. "You knocked me up, so YOU get to raise these guys" - sounds like a good philosophy to me! The snark stops there; pipefish are independent from birth, and may even be considered food by their parents. 

 

For those of you into Pokemon, the pipefish has a digital friend in Gorebyss. Bogleech says that Gorebyss is more like a deep sea chimera (also very cool fish!), but there is definitely some pipefish in there, too. No, real pipefish are not as bloody as Gorebyss is implied to be. Gen V players will be seeing a lot of Gorebyss, so best get familiar with its real relatives as well.

Creature Feature: Violet/Dragon Goby.

So, I was at Wal-Mart the other day. No, I do not shop there regularly. It just happens to have my allergy pills cheaper than anywhere else. Regardless of why I was there, I wandered over to the aquarium section and saw this:


You can't even tell him apart from the stone Chinese dragon.

The card called it a dragonfish. My first thought was "No, that can't be an arowana. Or oarfish." It looked creepy and eel-like, like an undead Chinese dragon or baby frilled shark.

Then I looked it up. There are not only five or so different fish colloquially called "dragonfish," but this one was a goby. To help the readers understand my shock, this is what the average goby looks like:



The Dragon or Violet Goby (Gobioides brousonnetti) looks like a baby arowana. It has a mouth that snaps like a trapdoor and is armed with razor-sharp teeth. Don't let that fool you. Dragon Gobies are scavengers/small predators native to the brackish waters of Florida, which is slowly becoming the new Southeast Asia. It ranges all the way to northern Brazil. 

It gets weirder. Like all gobies, the Dragon Goby has a sucker instead of a pelvic fin. It will, like one of those sucker fish (Plecos, for those wondering), stick to the side of the tank like a leech-dragon. It is also nearly blind, making things even stranger.  Geeez, D-War, why couldn't you make nightmare fuel out of that instead of botching your own national mythology?

Nightmare fuel. Yes.

Should you wish to tame a dragon of your very own, there are various care sheets online. Most of them recommend a diet of bloodworms, shrimp, and, umm, letting the fish filter out whatever's growing on the gravel. They would rather eat dead things than live. Include other docile fish that can handle the dragon's brackish environ. Dragon Gobies are hardy, but you will get the best fish if you make the aquarium as close to its natural habitat as possible. They don't belong in Wal-Mart mini-tanks.

Creature Feature: Hatchetfish.

If one looks around, it is possible to attach almost any noun to the word 'fish' and it will be a legitimate species. Swordfish? Sure. Cow, squirrel, dog, cat, rat, bird, butterfly? Those are all real fish species. Hell, one can put any weapon on a fish and it will be legitimate. We can even pick a random thing like a hatchet and make it a...




...wait, what is that? GET IT OFF THE SCREEN.

Those are marine hatchetfishes (Sternoptychidae). The hatchet form is not as visible from the front as it is in a side-view, but, aesthetically, the thorax forms the 'blade' and the tail forms the 'handle.'  None of that matters once one sees that uncannily-human face staring at them with dead, black eyes and a mournful expression. The side-view is only slightly less disturbing.



As with many creepy fishes, marine hatchetfish live where the sun just barely shines. Their large eyes are oriented upward to help them see prey drifting down from the from the surface. Like many deepsea animals, they have evolved bioluminescence along the bottom of their bodies as a form of countershading.

If you are getting freaked out, do not be. These creepy, fascinating fish are small.  They grow only a few centimeters in length. Many bigger fish eat them. Everything in the abyss is pretty freaky, but at least the hatchetfish does not have teeth so proportionately huge that they curve over its head. It is far from the weirdest thing Tiamat has cooked up.

 

Also, the freshwater version  is a lot cuter:

 

Creature Feature: Remora.

Watch enough ocean footage and you will eventually notice something very strange: There are slender fish attached to sharks and rays every so often. Whales and other marine mammals may also have these bizarre fish attached to their undersides.  At first, one may wonder if the whales and sharks have taken up body piercing, but these fish are perfectly natural.



Remoras (family Echeneidae) are slender fish often seen attached to larger marine animals. They live in tropical waters and grow anywhere from 1-3 feet in length. Although they can swim perfectly fine by themselves, they are adapted to be the hitchhikers of the ocean.



How does the remora do that? It hitches a ride with a special suction disc on its head. What used to be a dorsal fin has now evolved into a fleshy, ribbed suction cup that creates a small vacuum. This arrangement, combined with the remora's underbite, makes it look like the fish is swimming upside-down. Using this disc, the remora can hitch a ride on larger fish, turtles, humans, and even boats.



I'M ON A BOAT!

Remoras attach to things because they have a different gill structure from most fish. They cannot move water over their gills to get oxygen, so they must be in constant movement. The remora does not harm its host, but gets a free ride, free food, and free protection out of the deal. The host animal gets a non-invasive hitchhiker, and, depending on the remora, maybe a trash can or toilet.

Humans have used remoras to fish for other sea life, particularly turtles. To the ancient Greeks and Romans, the appearance of a remora on a boat's side kept a boat from sailing, thus the name "remora" - "delay." A remora was blamed for Marc Antony's defeat at the Battle of Actium, but there's a good chance Cleopatra had something to do with that, too.

Tomorrow: Speaking of, Egypt has a few interesting cobras.

Creature Feature: Flounder.

 

We know what you're thinking: What could possibly be weird about the little yellow and blue fish that follows Ariel around? Don't tell us that beneath that cute exterior lies a flesh-eating piranha. You must have something else shocking up your sleeve.

Why, yes. Yes we do. 

Let's start with real flounders not looking like the cartoon fish. At all.

Similar in color only.

Real flounders (containing many families) look a lot more like stingrays at first glance. They are part of a group called flatfish, which also contains sole, halibut, and a few other delicious entrees. True to their name, flatfish are flat and spend much of their time on the bottom of whatever part of the ocean, estuary or lagoon they happen to be in. Some have been found fluttering along the bottom of the Mariana Trench, one of the deepest ocean trenches found to date. All are carnivorous, eating crustaceans and fish fry before being fried themselves.

After watching a flounder swim around for a little, one eventually notices something strange: Its spine undulates more like that of a dolphin than a fish. Also, wait a minute - is that a gill slit on top? And a fin? Oh, goddess, what did nature DO to this thing?!



Flatfish, flounders included, essentially swim on their sides. That is why the operculum and pectoral fin are clearly visible on top of the fish. Those raylike fins would normally be located along the fish's back and underside. Technically, they still are, but the way the fish is tilted makes it resemble a weird ray.



Creepier still is the flounder's strange but logical eye arrangement. Baby flounder start with one eye on each side of their heads like normal fish; as the fish grows, it not only starts to prefer swimming closer to the bottom, but that eye moves to one side of its face. The eye migrates to the right in some flounders and the left in others. If Picasso designed a fish, it would be a flounder.

Flounder are perfectly evolved for life along the ocean floor. Having their eyes on top lets them spot predators more easily. Somewhat rarely for fish, they can also change color. Whether they are on sand, rocks, or coral, the flounder will always blend in. Flounder can even camouflage themselves on checkerboard patterns.

Evolved for fashion?

This excellent camouflage cannot protect them from man. Flounder and other flatfish around the world are so tasty that they often get overfished. Atlantic Flounder and sole are both fish to avoid if one is looking for sustainable flatfish. We can't help you if you're looking for a tasty substitute (although the author particularly likes halibut).

Tomorrow: Malaria. No, this entry is not about mosquitoes.

Creature Feature: Archerfish.

There is a certain attack in Pokemon called "Water Gun." It's one of those attacks that makes one wonder exactly why it does damage. It's not like a stream of water can hurt anything, right?


String Shot will be used another day.

OK. Maybe a pressurized stream of water can knock wild bugs into a pond, where the marksman can then snap it up. That was one of several fish called archerfish; they are a from the genus Toxotes and are related to perch. Archerfish can be found in the mangrove ecosystems and other freshwater areas in India, Australia, and the Philippines.

This does not look nearly as good as a still image.

Archerfish make human snipers look lame for using weapons. They have a hollow groove in their mouths that they use like the barrel of a gun. Closing their gills pushes pressurized water through this groove; archerfish are usually able to hit prey on the first shot. It takes practice, but the fish figures it out pretty fast. Even if the first shot fails, the fish tries again.

The precision of this water shot is even more amazing when one considers how hard it is to shoot from beneath the water. Ever try to catch a fish swimming beneath the surface of a moving body of water? It's pretty darn hard. Now try catching a tiny little insect from beneath the water with a squirt gun. There are some seriously impressive visual capabilities and physics involved with every shot the archerfish makes.

The archerfish as a textbook physics example.

Archerfish will shoot at anything that glows and/or moves. That may seem a little stupid, but it's still pretty impressive for a fish. They will also leap out of the water and eat bugs that just so happen to be nearby, but that is not nearly as awesome as their built-in squirt guns.

Water Gun: It's super-effective!

Tomorrow: A frog with...WHAT THE HELL? What did this frog do to its back?!

Creature Feature: Kissing Gourami.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! Go out and buy some chocolate, cards, and a Kama Sutra. Oh, and don't forget those adorable kissing fish!

 Kissing gouramis appear in nearly every Valentine's Day montage ever. The green kissing gouramis are from Thailand; the pink ones, Java. In a nutshell, they are omnivorous fish (do NOT put a gourami in with smaller fish) that kiss.



"Aww, how cute! Those fish are kissing!"

Kissing in gouramis does not mean the same thing as it does in humans, much like smiling in chimpanzees is a hint that one might get one's hand bitten off. The puckered lips in kissing gouramis are tipped with teeth; a kiss is not nearly as friendly in these fish as it is in humans!

Kissing can be seen as a form of sparring between fish. There is nothing cute about it and no way to guarantee that you are getting a male and female couple. Although there is no "kiss of death," being kissed too much may cause the mucus coat on other fish to deteriorate, leaving them open to infections. Ouch.

Pucker up! Hey, it's a tradition to kiss the first fish one catches, anyways.

Speaking of, no matter how adorable these fish may seem, do not impulse buy them. Much like Burmese pythons and green iguanas, kissing gouramis start small, but will quickly outgrow their tank if the owner is not aware of how big they get (anywhere from 20-30cm/7.87-11.81 inches). They are a lot harder to take care of than goldfish because they are omnivores; give the new 'couple' a gourmet meal to work with, including both lettuce and live food. Leaving algae on the side of the tank must be like parsley garnish to them. Bon appetit, fishies!


Tomorrow: BEWARE THE VAMPIRE MOTH!

Creature Feature: Cookiecutter Shark.

And now for something completely different: A shark that makes perfectly circular wounds with its teeth.

These cuts were made by a shark. Not a lamprey. Not a crazy sea worm from some B-horror movie. A shark, as in, related to Jaws. It lives in only a few little spots in the ocean, but those spots are riddled with hole-pocked animals.

This shark has binocular vision, just like Prasina vine snakes and humans.

The cookiecutter shark (Isistius brasiliensis) is one of the smaller shark species referred to as 'dogfish.' These are not the same sharks as the menacing Tiger and Great White species; they are a lot smaller (14-15 inches at most), which honestly makes them creepier when looked at head-on. The cookiecutter shark is particularly uncanny in this regard - it has binocular vision and a mouth straight off of an alien monster.

The  cookiecutter's crazy, suction-like mouth almost looks like it does not belong on a shark. It nonetheless fits the cookiecutter's semi-parasitic life style; cookiecutter sharks swim around taking bites out of whatever they happen to encounter. These chunks are usually 2 inches (5 cm) in diameter and 2.8 inches (7 cm) deep. They can appear on anything - fish, other sharks, whales, dolphins, undersea cables, submarines, human bodies, anything. The U.S. Navy was once forced to retreat because the sharks had caused their submarines to leak. Our finest, everyone!

Besides the strange cutting pattern, the cookiecutter shark also has a number of other weird things about it. It undergoes a migration from miles beneath the sea (literally the "twilight zone") to the surface every day. Oblivious porpoises and other predators may mistake the school of sharks for much smaller, tastier fish thanks to some of the best countershading on the planet.

The cookiecutter shark may look rather drab on top, but it possesses photophores on its underside that make it glow in the dark (a feat so amazing that creationists are all over a creature CLEARLY from the damper reaches of Hell). Its underside glows bright green except for one strange, collar-like ring around its neck (thus a scientific name derived from "Isis," the Egyptian goddess of light). Glowing in the dark is pretty cool, but the collar baffles scientists; the current theory is that it serves as a lure,  making this the first recorded instance of reverse-bioluminescence as a hunting mechanism. Trippy.

Tomorrow: Happy Valentine's Day! Those kissing fish are not as lovey-dovey as one may think.

Creature Feature: Oarfish.

Happy Chinese New Year! Starting today, February 3rd, we are officially in the Year of the White Rabbit.

Oh, the horror.

No, today's animal is not the Killer White Rabbit; that does not exist, unfortunately. We suspect Playboy bunnies of being legendary creatures as well. That white rabbit in the moon that keeps popping up in anime? Not sure about that one, or the one in Alice in Wonderland. What does exist is the Chinese dragon.

Really.



If you take this fish anywhere in Asia, the local people are guaranteed to tie it to a dragon somehow. Various posts from Thailand have called it "son of the dragon," "Queen of Nagas (naga being another type of dragon, mind)", or something along those lines. The Japanese see it as a messenger from the Sea Dragon God's palace (竜宮の使い); small wonder, seeing as oarfish are extremely deep-water fish.

They are also HUGE.

Oarfish (genus Regalecus) are long, slender fish with a bright red coxcomb that runs from their heads to their tails. This, combined with a massive length of over 50 feet in some species (R. russeli and R. glesne in particular) have given this rare fish the title of 'king.' R. glesne, the longest bony fish in existence at 56 ft (17.2 meters), has the rather dull nickname of "king of herrings."

Although they have a worldwide range, encounters with oarfish are rare. These majestic fish are smart enough to live only in the deeper parts of the ocean, thus preventing humans from keeping them as pets. The oarfish caught on film are either dead, dying, or briefly coming up to the surface world to feed (maybe?) in a strange vertical position. They are toothless and thus harmless to humans. *Insert How to Train Your Dragon joke here.* If you encounter one, be sure to take a picture.

Of course, Asia has gone wild with oarfish. No, they are not good sushi; oarfish are coated with a layer of guanine slime and have unpalatable flesh. In part because they are related to dragons, they have gotten a Pokemon in Milotic, a Yu-Gi-Oh! trading card, and a Touhou character.

Oh, speaking of Touhou, they also made a lunar white rabbit. It is not physically possible to handle this many bunnies. Happy Chinese New Year!

Creature Feature: Clownfish.

There are few fish cuter than the clownfish. For those of you not fish savvy, clownfish are the little orange and white fish that you may have seen in a saltwater aquarium at some point. If you have not seen them there, you probably know them from Disney-Pixar's film Finding Nemo.


Finding Nemo is, for the most part, a OK portrayal of how clownfish live (if a little bit too anthropomorphized). Clownfish (which come in two genera; the kind most know are from Amphiprion) are native to the warm waters of the Indian and Pacific Oceans, including Australia's Great Barrier Reef. They also live in...



...anemones. Clownfish are also called 'anemonefish' for a reason: Those cute little fish live in fleshy pillars tipped with tentacles. Stinging tentacles, in case your mind got the wrong idea.



Anemone stings hurt. A lot. They look like alien flowers, but are closer to (real) hydras than any pansy. Like all cnidarians, the anemones' tentacles are tipped with nasty little hooks called cnidocytes. Given that one hit is usually fatal in a natural environment, it's amazing that something evolved to not only become immune to the anemone's venom, but live in it.

Clownfish and certain damselfish are the only fish immune to the anemone's stinging venom. The fish is protected by a (possibly sugar-based) mucous coating developed from frequent, brief contact with its anemone. Clownfish coevolved with the anemones, and the anemones, being picked clean of all sorts of debris by the clownfish, are cool with that. The clownfish basically eat anything the anemone does not, sort of like the cat and/or dog cleaning your dishes. They even eat the anemone's dead tentacles.



The benefits of cnidarians keeping colorful fish go beyond trash disposal. A clownfish's bright colors may lure other fish to the anemone's stinging tentacles. If something chases the clownfish, BAM, face full of poison as soon as it gets back to home base. The anemone gets food and the clownfish gets a house; a win-win situation like this is called symbiosis.

AND STAY OUT!

 The clownfish are weird in their own right. Besides evolving to resist anemone venom, they live with two fish per anemone in a much larger group. This group is headed by a single mating male-female pair (with the female being larger and more aggressive than the male). These two are the only clownfish that really have sex and the only two to mate. If the highest female of the much big group dies, the highest male replaces her...by changing his sex. Clownfish are born hermaphrodites, which is uncommon in fish, but definitely not child-friendly enough for Finding Nemo.

"Hey, dad? Why have those guys been comin' to the anemone every night? Is there something you're not telling me?" 

The movie was also right about clownfish being very popular in the exotic pet trade. Clownfish are easily bred in captivity, and are one of the few decorative fish to have a well-recorded life cycle in captivity. Good thing, too- it means less need for taking Nemo away from his habitat and damaging an already-fragile ecosystem.

Creature Feature: Pygmy Seahorse.

Does anyone else remember the children's book series Where's Waldo? If not, the goal was to find a guy named Waldo (or Wally, depending on your region) in a crowd. He usually blended in pretty well either the crowd or other red-and-white things in the picture. The challenge was to find Waldo and/or his friends in the extremely-crowded image.

Now for a twist on that - find the seahorse:

OK, now for an easier one:



Still don't see it?


That adorable little sprite, dressed in red and white (or very light blue-gray) for the holidays, is a pygmy seahorse (Hippocampus bargibanti). They are native to the coral reefs around Japan, Australia, Indonesia and New Caledonia. There are two subspecies, each specifically evolved to blend in closely with a particular type of gorgonian coral (AKA sea fans). Their camouflage is both super-effective and adorable.

If you missed the seahorse more than once in the images above, you are not alone. This tiny seahorse was unknown to science for a looong time. They were first discovered by pure accident when their coral host was brought into an aquarium.




Pygmy seahorses are one of the smallest vertebrates alive. From head to twisty tail, they only stretch 2.4 cm - approximately one inch in America. (For those curious, the smallest vertebrate is a small relative of carps and minnows, also from Indonesia.) They are so small that there are probably many more subspecies and species waiting to be discovered.  Many species of pygmy seahorse have only been discovered within the last ten years. The Waldo of all seahorses will have us looking for a very long time.

(Happy Christmas Eve! Hope you all get lots of good presents tomorrow!)