Creature Feature: Reindeer!

'Twas the night before Christmas...and Kuro was making a blog entry. Yeah, this blogger doesn't even take a day off for Christmas. That's what made today's entry to hard to pick. But hey, I figure some of us will be seeing these guys on our roofs tonight:

 

...wha? Wait a minute, that looks nothing like the reindeer we've grown up with. Sure, it has antlers, but it's nowhere near the flighty, slender deer we're all used to seeing. What's going on?

You were born that way, Rudolph.

The marketing people have corrupted us again: real reindeer, or caribou (Rangifer tarandus), do not look like they could fly at all. The "reindeer" we know and love have plenty of traits taken from regular deer and antelope. Just about the only thing holiday marketers get right is that reindeer are native to northern Europe, Russia, and northern North America. There are several subspecies of reindeer, and it is almost impossible to pick exactly one to focus on. They all have some very interesting adaptations to the tundra environment, so please forgive me if I switch subspecies every now and again.

Reindeer are perfectly adapted for the icy cold and scarce resources of the tundra. Their nostrils have more surface area than the noses of most mammals, so any frigid air is heated by the creature's body before it reaches the lungs. Their hooves becomes spongy in the summer and tighten up in the winter, allowing for a great grip at both extreme temperatures. They will eat virtually any plants they come across, including lichen in winter and acid trip mushrooms. Of course, their fur also changes seasonally...but that certainly is not unique to reindeer.

That nose helps keeps reindeer from inhaling cold air. No, it isn't red.

Unlike most deer, both sexes of reindeer grow antlers. This is why the sexes of Santa's reindeer can be so hard to pin down; if you've ever wondered why a reindeer named "Vixen" (a female name) had antlers, wonder no more - it's totally possible! The exact type of antlers often vary by subspecies, but the rule of thumb is that the farther north you go, the spindlier the antlers get.

There are a few other differences between northern and southern reindeer.  Northern reindeer tend to have whiter coats and smaller size overall. One type from Svalbard Island does not get over 200 pounds - that's small for something usually considered a giant ungulate! Domesticated reindeer are shorter and heavier than wild reindeer on the whole, which makes one wonder how Santa's tame deer can fly. Oh, riiight...holiday magic.

Strangest of all, reindeer are thought to be the only mammals capable of seeing ultraviolet light.  Although an arctic landscape may look super plain to us, things on said landscape stand out in ultraviolet light. Urine, for example, is easily visible in UV. Combine this with the relatively low light for a good chunk of the year, and BAM! Suddenly you get a mammal that can see trippy colors.Nobody knows how the reindeer are not blinded by the ultraviolet light, but we're always looking for clever gene splicing potential. Here's to looking at the sun without being blinded!

"They Actually Eat That:" Reindeer.

This is one "They Actually Eat That" that should not be. Nobody should be surprised that people can and do eat reindeer. They're just a different sort of artiodactyl herbivore, and we eat plenty of those. Absolutely nobody should be shocked that some people living up north have found ways to eat reindeer.



Reindeer have been hunted by humans for a long time.  We are talking since the Neolithic (i.e. New Stone Age) at least. Scandanavian, North American, and Russian hunters have been the main predators of reindeer since humans moved up into the cold climates from Africa (why, I still don't know). There are certain sites in Norway being designated as national monuments for their ancient reindeer traps. Hell, people in Quebec even used to drink reindeer blood with liquor!


Then a can of reindeer meat makes it into a London store, and all hell breaks loose with animal rights activists. This farmed reindeer pate is marketed as a Christmas delicacy and a "Farm-raised relative of Rudolph." British PETA argues that reindeer get very, very stressed on farms, and thus should not be made into pate. Reindeer herders are usually nomadic, true, but one would think that ages of handling reindeer would have taught us a thing or two.

So let me ask these activists something: Do you object to regular venison on the same counts? Sure, meat is still meat, but something tells me that the positive connotation of reindeer has gotten to you. Reindeer have been bred by certain tribes for so long that they have words for "a male castrated reindeer" and other such concepts that could only come from a lot of exoperience handling these animals. We would not have words like "heifer" or "steer" if we had not domesticated cattle. Do we distinguish between neutered male deer and deer with full endowments? No. If your objection is anywhere, it should be with regular, normal venison. (And, out of curiosity, I broke my pescatarianism to try some genuine hunted venison. Good stuff.) Reindeer pulling sleighs is not just for Santa.



The people selling the reindeer steaks in London have the right idea: Reindeer is indeed a native dish of people in northern climates. Are we really so narrow-minded that we will prevent them from eating their traditional food while the British somehow manage to enjoy jellied eels? Different strokes for different folks. Santa probably makes reindeer sausage every time one of his magical flying deer dies because, umm, there's not much else to eat up there. Herbivores like reindeer are usually good eatin's.

If I didn't tell you this was reindeer, you probably wouldn't know.

 

Mind, actually eating reindeer is one thing. Alaskan shamans have, for a while now, noticed reindeer getting high off of Amanita mushrooms - a 'shroom toxic to humans. The shamans, however, figured out that reindeer are subject to the same rules as drug testing in humans - i.e. whatever was in those shrooms was probably in their urine as well. Sometimes, reindeer get the same idea and drink human urine for the exact same reason. This trip is where the idea of flying reindeer came from. Thank poisonous mushrooms for Santa's sleigh-deer!

Quick, catch him for drug dealing!

P.S. There will be more reindeer on Christmas. They're actually fascinating animals.

Creature Feature: Irish Elk.

How could I not have done the Irish Elk (Megaloceros giganteus) yet? I have, to date, mentioned it twice.



Oh, right. Deer just are not very weird until you start going prehistoric with them.  This giant deer is dead. It's pushing up daisies. It has CEASED to BE. THIS is an EX-DEER!

 

The Irish Elk, AKA the Giant Deer, lived around 400,000 years ago. Like the aurochs, it was a Pleistocene megabeast. It was not related to any modern elk; it was a HUGE deer, getting approximately 7 feet high at the shoulder. An antler spread of up to twelve feet from tip to tip made a male of the species even more imposing and majestic than that one shot in Bambi.


Then Disney sequelled the hell out of it. 

 The Irish Elk is one of the "textbook standards" for a very specific type of extinction: Its sexually-attractive antlers eventually got so huge that they killed the species. Its rack was either so big that it actually impeded movement, or a climate change simply made that headgear impossible to sustain. Essentially, it was like that overly-decorated cell phone that your best friend has; y'know, the one with so much shiny junk on it that you wonder how the eff it works.


I've seen worse.

Humans played a minimal part in its extinction; after all, we also had cows to deal with back then. The Irish Elk and humans shared space for a good long time; it's not like humans suddenly went around killing these weird giant deer that they had never seen before. Again, the hugeass antlers likely hindered the deer when they tried to avoid hunters. Either way, that headgear was their downfall.

Now, when I say "Irish Elk'd" in an entry, you will know what I mean. Those horns are pimpin', but they ultimately killed the deer.


DAYUMN.

Creature Feature: Indian Muntjac.

Some of you are probably wondering why I have never done any deer on this blog. Their mating displays are at least as impressive as those of the pretty male birds I keep showcasing, right? Hell, the Irish Elk supposedly went extinct because of its huge, elaborate antlers!


THAT is a nice rack!

"Females are sad, males are AWESOME" is not restricted to birds. It is a lame, repetitive formula that one can easily get bored of, but common in nature that it is almost impossible to avoid. Many lizards, mammals, and insects also use this formula. Birds just so happen to be my forte, and, unlike deer, are spread across many genera.

In mammals, the difference between sexes tends to be greater than that in other classes. Not only are the females less elaborate, but, due to CRAZY mammalian sexual dimorphism, are usually smaller (even though they have to bear live young and provide them with nutrients...why?). I will have to look up exactly why the size difference exists sometime. All I know is that it bites worse for mammalian females than avian ones.

This deer is no exception to that rule...but, evidently, female deer have the same taste as female humans do in vampires.


(It burned my eyes just to Google this.)

The Indian muntjac (Muntiacus muntjak), also known as the barking deer, is native to pretty much all areas of South Asia. It is one of the oldest known species of deer, and among the first to evolve antlers.


Child of Baphomet, or reminder of a time long past? You decide.

The male of the species has unusual headgear to show for this change. His are stacked on top of bony nubs, making him look...well...demonic.


Of course, any mammal looks demonic when it is not covered in fur.

They also have fangs. Tusks my ass; they may not have venom, but they certainly do NOT look like the tusks of swine, elephants, or anything else besides other primitive deer. Those teeth are not just for show; male muntjacs fight with them. They are not used to suck blood, even if they really, really look the part.


I vant to kick your ass!

That's not all. Muntjacs are also called "barking deer." Yes, in order to warn other deer, a muntjac barks. As in, "woof woof." Why choose between vampire and werewolf? This little deer can play both!



Screw Edward and Jacob. I'm on Team Muntjac.