Creature Feature: Siamese Fighting Fish.

Just because the next themed week starting tomorrow is going to be TRAUMATIZING, here's something relatively cute and innocent:

Siamese Fighting Fish (or "bettas" after Betta splendens, which itself derives from the Thai name for this fish) are commonly found in pet stores throughout the United States. They are native to the rice paddies of Thailand, Malaysia and Cambodia. These are the fish that you usually see in little tiny cups at Petco; don't worry, you are not the only one wondering if that's really good for them. The males of the species are particularly spectacular, sporting plumed fins that look like they belong on some sort of swimming bird instead of a fish.


 A betta in attack mode. 

These fins (along with their gills) flare up when faced with another Siamese fighting fish - or the fish's own reflection! Some people say that stimulating the fish to flare stresses it out, but others claim that it is actually healthy for them. Bettas are not long-lived fish in any case (usually maxing at 5 years).

As you have probably noticed by now, bettas come in a variety of colors and fin shapes. These can range from the relatively tame veil-tail bettas (like the red fellow above) to the weird-but-beautiful double-tail morph. My personal favorite so far is the crown-tail; they look like almost like lionfish, but are not venomous.

Like bugs in Japan, these fish are fought in Thailand; they look VERY different from the elegant, captive-bred bettas that come in bright colors. Really, huge fins like that would be disadvantageous in a real betta fight. 

If you're reading all of this and going, "cool, I want one," well...you can have one. Really. I'm not pulling your leg this time; they make GREAT pets as long as you keep in mind that they are carnivores and make sure the water is relatively hot. They are pretty fish with an amazing variety of colors and fin shapes. You can learn more about keeping them here.

Read this entry well. The next seven will give you nightmares.

Creature Feature: Gaurs.

Before I start, just look at the word "gaur" for a minute. Say it out loud. It sounds like something a vicious animal would say, right? Sort of like a cross between a growl and a roar. Gaaauurrr...

GAAAUUUR!

...yeah, a gaur's a type of cow.



Gaur (Bos gaurus) are a relative of the domestic cow. They are found in India and South-Southeast Asia, including China, Vietnam, India and Indonesia. They are not as closely related as the aurochs are to modern cattle - it's more like the relationship between a dog and a coyote. Before you ask, yes, the two can interbreed.

Gaur are giant cattle. They are bigger than any known bovine species, living or dead. They can reach up to 10 feet long and 7 feet high; the aurochs only reached 6.6 feet at the shoulder. Males are larger than females. Only elephants, rhinoceroses, and hippos are larger than the gaur.

Unlike domestic cattle, gaur have very few natural predators. The young can be picked off by leopards and dholes (sort of like Asian wolves), but nobody messes with the adults. A healthy adult gaur was once reported killing a tiger - big cat, the king of beasts in China - that had been stupid enough to mess with it during the daytime. (During the night, it's still a bit hard - a fight between the two is actually a really close match, no matter WHAT tiger fans tell you.) No wonder the Hindus treat cows nicely; the gaur give them a very good reason to see cows as friends, not food.


Just put down the burger and nobody gets hurt...

Alas, gaur are becoming vulnerable. It's not because humans are being stupid and killing off all the gaur for sport; they're far too awesome for that. Instead, the gaur's food sources are becoming scarcer and scarcer.

By the way, the bull on the original Red Bull bottle was a gaur, not Bos taurus. This does not make that sugary crap any better for you; nobody really knows what taurine does, but it was first extracted from bull bile. This is one of those things that makes you wonder how people found out, but at the same time, you don't wanna know.


Red Bull: It's really bile!

Creature Feature: Rainbow Lorikeets.

Winter is depressing. After fall, everything starts to turn black and white. If you're in Australia or nearer the Equator than I am, good for you. If it's summer down south where you are, I'm jealous. For everyone else, here's a little something to brighten up your day:



Those cute little parrots are Rainbow Lorikeets (Trichoglossus haematodus). They are native to Australia, Indonesia, and that area of the world in general. They eat seeds, pollen and fruits, but most awesome walk-in lorikeet gardens will give you little cups of nectar. These birds have tongues like little sponges; the nectar cup will be gone in no time, and you will have to buy another just to keep the endearing little fellows around.


Dude...that parrot had ACID for breakfast.

There are several subspecies of Rainbow Lorikeet. These all have subtly different colorations, mostly relating to feather brightness/darkness. The most popular subspecies is T. h. moluccanus, AKA Swainson's lorikeet; it has the cleanest and brightest colors of the bunch.


Rainbow Lorikeets are sometimes considered pests. They are not native to New Zealand, Hong Kong, or Amsterdam, but do just fine even when so far away from home. They strip trees of fresh fruit and compete with many of Australia's native bird species for resources. The parrots may be ecologically damaging, but we wish our pests were this colorful. 

You can also have Rainbow Lorikeets as pets, but given their tendency to spread like a multicolored plague, you might want to reconsider.

Creature Feature: Leafcutter Ants.

Ants are a pest that nobody (except hardcore entomologists) really likes. Having ants in one's house is a sign of poor hygiene, even though they live in organized communities with classes just like ours. If you think class is a mobile thing, you need to rethink your culture. The only real difference between society and an anthill is that we did not all come from the same mommy. 



Leafcutter ants (genera Atta and Acromyrmex) are exactly what their name says: They cut large pieces of leaves off of trees on Latin American rain forests. Most trees in the forests can be cut with their jaws and toxins. The pieces are huge - a human could not lift what this ant is lifting (relatively, of course).



The leaves are not some awesome buffet for the huge queen ant. These pieces of leaves are cut solely to feed a special fungus that the ants grow in their hills. This fungus depends on a secretion from the ants to keep it weed-free. In return, the ants eat some of the fungus. The two are mutually dependent; the ants cannot live without the fungus and the fungus cannot live without the ants. That's right, ants had agriculture before people did.


This should be the other way around. 

The leafcutters are not the only insects capable of farming. Termites and some species of beetle do so as well. Don't you feel lucky that you are a member of what...one of the 100-odd species that utilize agriculture?

"They Actually Eat That:" Escamoles.

It is easy to understand where the idea for chocolate covered ants came from. Some ants probably get into your chocolate anyways; ants like food, which constitutes anything humans eat and then some. As I have said many times before, it is physically impossible to avoid eating bugs. Ants are one of the most common insects on the planet and are frequently seen around human living quarters. Why not eat them?


Here, you can barely tell.

Rarely, however, are ants considered cuisine. In this case, they are big, black and venomous to boot.















They Actually Eat That?! 

In Mexico, they harvest the eggs of ants belonging to the genus Liometopum. These ants are big, mean, and live on the roots of agave and maguey plants. Both of those plants are used to make different liquors, by the way (tequila and mezcal, respectively) so you have to cut them a little bit of slack for discovering the eggs of vicious black ants. Eating them is a whole other matter.



A chicken will get mad if you get too close to her eggs. Imagine what venomous, giant ants will do to you for approaching their babies. They have to get people (probably with money...) to approach the giant ants and steal their eggs. Fun job. [/sarcasm]



Why do they do this? Escamoles taste really, really good, apparently. The taste is described as being buttery and nutty with the consistency of cottage cheese. They are often served in tacos with guacamole. The eggs are valuable enough to be dubbed "insect caviar" and are only available seasonally.


To help remind you WHY this is dangerous.

Thank you, escamoles, for reminding me why I dislike Mexican food.

Creature Feature: Tapejarids.

 Pterosaurs are awesome. They lived around the same time as the dinosaurs we all know and love, but are not dinosaurs. There are a number of things differentiating them; they had wings, they had fur, and they looked more like bats with beaks than lizards.

Most people know about pterodactyls and/or pterosaurs. If you're lucky, you will find someone who knows the differences between Pteranodon, Rhamphorhyncus, and Quetzalcoatlus - easily the three most recognizable, least intimidating pterosaurs out there. (For those of you curious types, Pteranodon is the big fellow with the crest, Rhamphorhyncus is a lot smaller with a diamond on the tip of its tail, and Quetzalcoatlus is the huge pterosaur with a long neck.)  These three in particular are sometimes blended into a "dragon" pterosaur.


Seriously, Quetzalcoatlus was effing HUGE.  Suck it, dragonhumpers; dragons DID have beaks. 

Then there are the pterosaurs that are either so stupid looking or such potent nightmare fuel that few scientists dare to speak their names, like these:




Those are Tapejara, a type of pterodactylid. They lived during the Cretaceous Period alongside T-Rex and the now twice-extinct Triceratops. They have been found in South America and China; believe me, when you see the names on these things, you know which ones were found where. (For example, "Tapejara" means "old one" in Tupi...IA IA CTHULHU F'TAGN?)  Tapejara and its kin, collectively called tapejarids, were known for sporting huge, probably colorful crests.



These crests were anywhere from badass to just plain ridiculous. Don't worry about weight; like birds, pterosaurs had light bones. The color and size of the crest was probably indicative of sexual maturity, but really? I'm surprised that more of them didn't get Irish Elk'd out of existence. (Yes, I just turned an extinct ungulate into a verb.) Modern hornbills and toucans also have pretty elaborate headgear, but they're nothing compared to these guys. 


Seriously, how did this thing NOT get blown away by the wind?  

If you think you have seen a tapejarid before, you might be thinking of Avatar's Great Leonopteryx.  Leo was almost entirely based off of a tapejarid; check out that over-the-top crest on this alien beast!

Leo was also a dragonhumper's wet dream, but that's beside the point.

Creature Feature: Gila Monster.

 

It ate my heart...it a-a-ate my heart...*Shot for Lady Gaga reference.*

Continuing in the vein of orange and black critters, the Gila monster (Heloderma suspectum) is a lizard native to the American southwest. It is a relatively slow-moving lizard that gets two feet long, tops and spends most of its time underground. The Gila does not even eat much - only five to ten times a year in the wild- but feeds mostly on eggs and animals smaller than it is.



And it is venomous. 

Gila monsters are one of the two venomous lizards native to North America. Unlike with snakes, the Gila's fangs are located in the lower jaw. The venom is neurotoxic and about as potent as a coral snake's. It contains several potentially fatal compounds and causes some nasty symptoms. Really, the bright colors on this thing are a "stay the EFF away" warning.



Despite the supposed potency of its venom, there are no recorded cases of anyone ever dying from a Gila bite. Like rear-fanged snakes, the Gila has problems delivering venom; it has to be chewed into its prey thoroughly to take any effect at all. Sometimes a Gila will flip over to make its bite more potent. It still hurts like hell, but probably will not kill you. Also, these lizards are crazy slow; one doctor in the Arizona Graphic said this:

"I have never been called to attend a case of Gila monster bite, and I don't want to be. I think a man who is fool enough to get bitten by a Gila monster ought to die. The creature is so sluggish and slow of movement that the victim of its bite is compelled to help largely in order to get bitten."

Unless you happen to be an idiot who has fun poking venomous lizards with sticks, you should be fine. That sounds like a Jackass stunt waiting to happen.