Creature Feature: Black Swallower.

It's about time I got back into the swing of things. That means more cool creatures, hopefully with another 6-day week of entries at a faster pace. There is still more weird stuff out there, and I intend to cover a lot of it. In this case, a friend of mine was awesome enough to send me a real monstrosity:

The black fish above is a black swallower (Chiasmodon niger). These small (10 inch) fish are restricted to dark, tropical and subtropical waters.  They themselves are rather dark, being brown and scaleless like many non-glowing abyssal animals. They eat bony fish for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Yes, we are still talking about the tiny black fish - not the pearly blue fish it attempted to eat.

Oh, and yes, the thing did indeed swallow something larger than its entire body up there. It can swallow prey over twice its length and ten times its mass. The black swallower doesn't bother to chew them, either - just swallows them whole, presumably jaw-walking over them from the tail up just to fit it all in. Nobody has ever seen this taking place. This is almost like a human swallowing a whole cow without chewing, regardless. Have fun with that image.

To help with this insane capacity to swallow, the black swallower's stomach is so stretchy that it makes python skin look like plastic. Things are enclosed whole in the stomach lining, which can stretch so thin that it looks like a bubble waiting to be popped. As one can imagine, this doesn't work 100% of the time; many black swallowers have been found with their stomachs popped like fleshy bubbles.

It's a miracle that almost nobody has done anything in pop culture with this weird little fish. Its strange eating habits sound like the perfect setup for a monster. Combine it with certain other abyssal creatures and we might have a terror of the deep on par with Jaws. Better still, its young have been found near Bermuda. Hm...I sense a new B-horror flick coming on.

Creature Feature: Lumpsucker.

 Happy Father's Day! After yesterday's news, it's time for something positive about dads...right?

Unfortunately, in much of the animal world, dads are dicks. I'm not even going to sugar-coat that. They mate, knock up a female, then move on. The vast majority of the time, babies are given no paternal care - and before you say "that's only reptiles blah blah blah," one, both parents leave after the eggs hatch in reptiles, and two, mammals tend to mate and run just as fast.

That said, there are some great animal dads, like this fellow:

Along with being awesome dads, lumpsuckers probably win the award for "weirdest fish you never heard of." There are 27 species of "lumpsucker, but the titular fish is Cyclopterus lumpus- yes, "lumpus" is apparently a Latin word, now. C. lumpus can be found in the colder, rockier parts of the Atlantic, Pacific, and Arctic Oceans. (Worth noting: the Pacific Spiny Lumpsucker is extremely popular, and merits its own entry.) Their closest relatives are lionfish, which almost everybody who has ever been to an aquarium or exotic pet store has probably seen at least once, and perch, which are a pretty common fish. They look nothing like the scaleless ping-pong balls called lumpsuckers.

Yet, surprisingly, these little weirdos make relatively good dads by fish standards. In lumpsuckers, the male almost does more work than the female. The male makes the nest, for example. After eggs are laid, he guards the brood. Considering lumpsuckers make cheap caviar, it's a good thing someone's guarding those eggs. It helps that his pelvic fin has evolved into a suction cup, leading to the rather amusing image here:

From Wikipedia. Too cute!

Now, here's why they're called "lumpsuckers." They look like little lumps and have pelvic disc suckers. Yes, lumpsuckers, like some weird Pokemon GameFreak never came up with, have suction cups on the bottom. This thing looks terrifying when seen from beneath, but also makes for some of the cutest fish images on the entire internet. It's similar to the suction that remoras have, but is used for the less badass purpose of clinging to anything that happens to be around while it munches slow-swimming, bottom-dwelling stuff. This thing has evolved the laziness adaptation nerds never could.

Also, guess what? They actually eat that! Apparently lumpfish is not only popular as caviar, but as meat as well. Iceland loves it so much that whole fisheries have been founded on lumpfish.Then again, considering their habit of preserving fish in horrible, maddening ways...we'll let lumpfish slide. We cool, Iceland?

Creature Feature: Loosejaw Stoplight Fish.

Ah, back to the deepsea abyss. Regardless of how many people treat space as the final frontier, we have yet to truly know our own planet. Even taking deep sea trawling into account and having orange roughy constantly in classy restaurants, the abyss is almost as unknown as the rainforest. How similar can things down there be to life on land when it evolved without sunlight? The Sumerians believed that their embodiment of the ocean, Tiamat, birthed unholy monstrosities; they were right.

RAWR. 

Check out this thing: the stoplight loosejaw (Malacosteus niger). It is a denizen of the deepsea abyss, eating anything large enough to catch in its teeth. It is not a very big fish by any means - only 25 cm long. A lot of abyssal fish are shown with the lens zoomed in; even the largest anglerfish can easily fit in the palm of one's hand. Just because it's easy cat food doesn't mean it isn't neat.

The stoplight fish gets its name from a single unique trait: it can produce not one, but two different colors of bioluminescence. It makes red and blue-green light - just like a traffic signal. Blue-green light passes well in the ocean depths; nine out of ten times, things will give off blue light if they glow in the depths. Red light is like its private hunting and communication signal; it also means that red-colored things are not safe from this fish's extending head.

Source. 

Yes, the "loosejaw" part comes from a very loose jaw indeed. In fact, it can dislocate its entire head to snap up edibles. The only other thing that does that is a dragonfly nymph - an invertebrate. That's how creepy-cool abyssal stuff is: it can all but behead itself on a regular basis and be fine. C'mon, Hollywood- make a monster out of this. Swallowing things like that is a talent.

Don't be fooled by Ariel. The bottom of the ocean is not a place full of happy sea creatures singing about how great life is. It's a place of psychedelic darkness trying to kill you with pretty lights and jaws out of nowhere. 

Creature Feature: Ribbon Eel.

Eels seem to have a really bad reputation. Any and all eels suddenly become electrified. They're naturally slimy, not scaly, making them even less appealing than snakes to most people. Eels pretty much snakes of the sea, even though seasnakes are things.

Well, this is an eel that breaks that stereotype into a million little pieces. The ribbon or Bernis eel (Rhinomuraena quaesita) is a colorful creature that can be found in the Indian and Pacific Oceans. It feeds on crustaceans - i.e. crabs, shrimp, and other little armored things.  As one can imagine, it has been introduced into the aquarium trade...but more on that later.

This is one impressive-looking eel. The  ribbon eel comes in a variety of colors, but by far the most shocking is a bright blue and yellow palette found on some of the males. They also have distinctive nostril flares that look almost like little flowers. Need any more reasons for Asian cultures to think that dragons come from fish?

RAWR! (Actually, it's just breathing.)

The ribbon eel is exceptional in another way: It's a sequential, protandric hermaphrodite. A ribbon eel starts as a male, then becomes a female later in life. This is not unusual for fish, but most moray eels do it the opposite way! In fact, most fish prefer to start female. The ribbon eel just keeps getting weirder.

Supposedly, healthy ribbon eels will live up to twenty years in captivity. Very few individuals have been able to keep them for that long. They don't even have a truly functional care sheet on fishchannel.com, meaning that nobody knows enough about these eels to write a thorough guide. From what we could gather, it's a miracle for ribbon eels to live over 5 years in an aquarium. Anyone have an experience to prove us wrong?

This creates a problem. A lot of people really love these eels, but captive breeding is almost unheard of. There is a good chance that overfishing could lead to these creatures becoming endangered. Please be sure to check where such specimens come from so as to preserve the wild little dragons.

Creature Feature: Scooter Blenny.

Much to one's surprise, Petco can be a learning experience. Most of their exotics are beginner-friendly and can hardly be considered exotic to people who really know the trade. Every now and again, though, they'll have something that is not beginner-level and probably should not be in the hands of the next kid who thinks it looks awesome.

This is a clear exception to the "beginners" rule. It was labeled as a "scooter blenny," but the more proper name is ocellated dragonet (Synchiropus ocellatus). It is native to the southern waters around Japan and an island chain called the Marquesan Islands- good luck finding that obscure chain of Pacific islands on a globe. We had not even heard of them until covering this little fish. It feeds mostly on copepods - a sort of zooplankton.

Names can be very deceiving. This is not a blenny; it is an entirely different type of fish called a dragonet. Dragonets are all minor predatory fish with flashy fins and a taste for small sea life. They generally prefer the bottom of the reef or tank, and the scooter/ocellated dragonet is no exception. After seeing one of these in action, it appears to be walking on the bottom of the tank (thus "scooter"). Not as awesome as a batfish, but still pretty neat.

Source. Gorgeous.

As one might expect of such a flashy fish, the ocellated dragonet exhibits sexual dimorphism. The males have larger dorsal fins with a patch of bright orange at the base. The word "ocellated" refers to the eyespots on the fin up there. The females are much less colorful, blending right in with the gravel in the aquarium. Still a treat to watch "walk," in any case.

Contrary to their presence at Petco, dragonets of any sort are not beginner's fish. As one might imagine, live copepods are hard to come by, and these guys are picky eaters. Most draconets die shortly after purchase because they won't eat. They also live longer in established reef settings. Read: You must already be able to handle a saltwater tank, which in itself is not as easy as it sounds. To be fair, Petco has several other saltwater things, so if it's a tank you're after? Do your own homework before going there, then start away.

"They Actually Eat That:" Escolar.

If you ever pick up a sushi menu, you will see some strange stuff. There are things like sea urchin and eel alongside common salmon, tuna, and shrimp. Then there are simply odd uses for regular fish, like taking their eggs.

But "escolar?" That sounds like it might be English. What is it, anyways?

Escolar (Lepidocybium flavobrunneum) is found in deep, tropical waters around the world. It is related to oilfish. It is often mislabeled, leading to caveat emptor around anything labelled "butterfish." In fact, it can be mislabelled as almost any other fish on the planet. It is possibly the most dangerous fish on the market.  Oh my. 

 Escolar has a serious consequences if eaten in excess. The technical term for it is keriorrhea. In English, that means you get nasty bowel movements and urinate yellow oil. Escolar do not metabolize oil as well as some, so we get stuck excreting it instead. For the record, the safe amount is 6 ounces.

The good news: it can taste really good. As a fattier fish, it tastes very rich. It has been described as having a laxative effect. Despite the side-effects, escolar remains popular due to the taste and other effects.  In other words, it's the illegal drug of the fish trade.

The irony? Escolar is banned in Japan and Italy. The Japanese government considers escolar toxic, and these are the people who eat fugu.If a roll has escolar on it, it sure as hell isn't traditional. It's tricky; escolar is often mislabelled as white tuna, Atlantic cod, or other fishy things. It is usually either illegal or issued a fact sheet...except in the United States. Even Hong Kong has limits on it, and they make low-quality stuff on a regular basis. Enjoy illegal sushi!

Freak Week IV: GloFish Return!

A while back, I did an entry on GloFish. These little glowing zebrafish have been in Petco for quite a while now, looking unnaturally beautiful in a section already loaded with alien-looking animals. As I spend a decent amount of time there, I began to notice new GloFish. They were, and presumably are, very popular. Why wouldn't they be?

For those of you completely unfamiliar with GloFish, GloFish (TM) are fish spliced with the fluorescent gene from various cnidarians- jellyfish, sea anemones, etc. This gene glows under blacklight - not really "glow in the dark," per se, but close enough. They were originally developed to track certain genes in zebrafish throughout the fish's life cycle. They have caught on in pet stores as well.

Originally, GloFish only came in three colors: reddish pink, neon orange, and electric green. Since then, GloFish have added ("cosmic") blue and ("galactic") purple to their crayon box. These aren't as impressive as the hotter side of the spectrum, but still quite cool. I look forward to seeing what they do next.

Image from GloFish.com.

Much to my relief, GloFish has also added tetras to its glowing aquarium.  I have heard some debate over exactly what kind of tetras these are; I've heard "white skirt" (Gymnocorymbus ternetzi) and am going with this. Like danios, these are freshwater fish, so don't worry too much about salinity. Angelfish are supposedly next, but glowing koi would be amazing (and raccoon food). Currently, the tetras only come in Electric Green.

Recently, there has also been some concern about releasing GloFish into a natural environment.  (I will not get into "domesticated" VS "wild" here- it's all very hazy and subjective.) They could be harmful if released, just like any other invasive species. Several countries have banned GloFish for the simple reason that they are genetically engineered. Personally? A bright red danio would probably not stand a chance in the wild. Still your call on whether to take them into your house or not.

Creature Feature: Pacific Salmon.

 When most people think of salmon, they think of one of two things: 1. pink fish meat, 2. the crayon named after pink fish meat, 3. a generic fish that gets caught by grizzlies on nature programs. If only the life of the salmon was emphasized instead; they're really more fascinating than their rather mundane status as a food fish lets on.

Pacific salmon are salmonids in the genus Oncorhynchus. They breed in the Pacific Ocean, ut spawn in freshwater- exactly how awesome this is will be detailed later. There are a lot of different types of Pacific Salmon out there (7-odd species). They have a fair amount in common, so I hope nobody minds if I use a video of sockeye salmon at one point and Coho at another.



The rule of thumb in fishing is that salmon migrate and trout stay in one place. While not 100% true, salmon are known for an extensive migratory route, called a salmon run. They spawn in freshwater, then the adults die. The young (fry) then migrate upriver in an epic journey to the ocean, where they meet up with the other adult salmon lucky enough to make the journey. Then the cycle starts again, with adult salmon swimming downriver, using scent to find their way back to the place where they were born.That's right: These fish change from being saltwater to freshwater and back again, and swim back to the exact location where they were born using scent trails alone. Consider your mind blown.

But wait. It gets better. 

During this migration, male salmon undergo a mutation unlike that of any other fish. They develop menacing jaws, which have the specific term "kype." These all look like they swam straight out of the icy bowels of Cocytus and wish to eat your face off. Being bright red-pink does not keep those jaws from being terrifying. The hunch is also a bit disturbing. Aside from sex change, this is the most drastic change in any male fish over its lifetime.

Hatchery impact on salmon mostly comes into play in the ocean. Adult fish are harvested from the ocean, with females being gutted for their eggs. Multiple males are then forced to, umm, fertilize the eggs to ensure genetic diversity. The young are raised at a building until they're mature enough to swim in the streams. The impact has been severe enough to endanger wild salmon populations; hatcheries are both responsible for the decline and capable of preserving some of the more at-risk species. Pollution doesn't help, but it is really hard to legislate fishing. Hatcheries may soon be the only source of salmon, so be careful of what you're eating.

Salmon is one of the healthiest fish to consume, being a good source of protein and Omega-3 fatty acids. Remember that salmon lead interesting lives, and that mature male salmon pack a terrifying face that will haunt your nightmares. You're welcome.

Creature Feature: Alligator Gar.

Ever notice how people are oddly limited when it comes to terrifying fish? We have piranhas, sharks, and barracudas that have a track record of being merciless killers.By comparison, killer snakes get a million movies,

So, tell me: How come someone hasn't made a flick about this mean fish, yet?

 

For those of you who did not just run away screaming, that ugly mug belongs to an Alligator Gar (Atractosteus spatula). Alligator Gars are native to much of the United States, but can also be found in Asian aquaria, leading to horror stories after floods run through SE Asia. As a freshwater fish, however, there are oceans separating the two populations.

My first reaction upon looking up how terrifying the Alligator Gar could be: "MOSASAURS LIVE!" This thing is called an alligator gar for a reason. That snout and those teeth look like they belong on a crocodilian. Despite this, the alligator gar is actually a primitive fish, meaning that nature just really likes giving things pointy sharp teeth. As if we didn't know that already.

These fish are also huge. They get 8-10 feet long - over 2 meters for you metric people. That's a lotta fish, to quote the horrible Godzilla movie. This length, and the meat that comes with it, has led to restrictions on its fishing, but there are still a few restaurants with it if you know where to look.

Did we mention that  'gator gars' can last up to two hours above the surface of the water? How about their potential to seriously injure anyone who catches them by weight alone? Even their scales were sharp and hard enough to be used as arrowheads. The oldest of these fish just happens to be somewhere in the 50's-70's, so this terror will be around for quite a while.

Although usually illegal to keep as pets, it is possible to get a massive terror-gar for your pond. Yes, you need a pond to hold these guys. The "alligator gars" found in most pet stores will usually be a smaller species. Please do your research thoroughly; it may save you money and limbs.

Creature Feature: Queen Triggerfish.

It is really important to know every little thing about every little fish you want to put in an aquarium. Some fish are friendly. Other fish look nice, but have a mean streak a mile wide. Not all pretty fish are good tank fish.

Welcome to the world of triggerfish, a whole group that usually doesn't play nice with others. Several of these fish are popular in the aquarium trade, but today we'll focus on the queen triggerfish (Balistes vetula). It's native to the warm waters of the Caribbean Islands, Florida, and other awesome vacation spots in the Atlantic Ocean. It eats mostly sea urchins, which grants it a few auto-badass points.

This fish just looks impressive. It's big, for one thing - about two feet at adult size. Unlike many big fish, actually has the coloration to make it look good. Its palette is a combination of gold, turquoise, and royal blue. As with all triggerfish, there is a spike-like fin that is  functional as well as fashionable; it can lock the fish in a hole in case a predator tries to pull it out.

What's even more amazing is how this fish eats sea urchins in the wild. There are two that have been recorded: in one, the triggerfish picks up a single spine of the sea urchin in its (very strong) mouth, then drops it so that the urchin lands belly-up; in another, the queen triggerfish uses Water Gun to get the urchin into a more vulnerable position. Remember, this fish lacks the limbs to break 'em open like a cute little otter. Craftier, stealthier means must be employed.

Queen triggerfish are just about the worst triggerfish to try and keep in an aquarium.  Sea urchins aren't easy to come by unless you happen to have a fresh fish market down the street; instead, feed captive specimens a mix of krill, shrimp, octopus, and squid - the whole invertebrate sushi menu, basically. Queens get roughly two feet in length, which is enough to turn away most beginners. They are also aggressive as all get-out and can inflict very nasty bites on humans, too. Even other triggerfish have nothing on the queen. Long live the queen, and unless you're really experienced, keep her in the wild!

Creature Feature: Macrotrema/Swamp Eels.

A lot of people will probably see me as crazy, immature, or both for secretly liking Yu-Gi-Oh! The game is a broken mess of OTK's and shiny cards that are way too hard to get, ZeXal scares me proper, and yet cool monsters are cool enough to keep me intrigued. Admittedly, now it's become a game of humans and dragons, but it used to have an amazing amount of monster variety. This one in particular got me thinking:



OK, I get the point that it's a fish, but what's a "macrotrema," anyways? YGO tends to pick on weird fish, but this one was so weird that I had to look it up. After I looked it up, I kept the card for a bit as a sort of "well, that was interesting" trophy.

It turns out there are several things with "macrotrema" in their names. Given that the card was called "big eel" in the Japanese game, however, I'm inclined to believe that the creators were going off of the Macrotrema eels native to Asia. There is only one species, Macrotrema caligans, but since it is horribly hard to find information on (seriously, most of the hits for "Macrotrema" are of the trading card), this entry will also cover some other members of Synbranchidae. They are also called "mud eels" and "swamp eels," hinting that it would be darn near impossible to find a real deep-sea Macrotrema. As the name "mud eel" would imply, this weird pink fish lives in the muddy beds of estuaries in Asia. The whole family Synbranchidae has members in Mexico, South America, Africa, and in Asia from India to China, making the Ganges River slightly creepier than it already was.

Not a Macrotrema. Still a swamp eel and probably close enough.

Swamp eels resemble worms with spinal cords more than any type of fish. They're pink, live in mud, and barely have fins as adults. As with most cave-dwelling animals, the eyes are small; when you live in mud, sight is not a big issue. They're even proper hermaphrodites, starting their lives as ladies and becoming male after four years. (For the record, a whole group of creatures, tunicates, does the same thing.)  In other words, they're weird even by eel standards, and eels are already darn weird.

Nobody is really sure how far swamp eels go back in the fossil record, but they probably resemble some of the first air-breathing fish that gave rise to amphibians. Although they start life with skin that takes in oxygen (sound familiar?) and fins, both of these features regress as the fish matures.  The throat of a swamp eel is adapted into a primitive, but efficient lung. Like mudskippers, swamp eels can even slither around on land if the soil is wet enough.

Since this entry wound up bleeding into Wednesday, I may as well say it: yes, this eel is edible. China, one of the few places infamous for eating anything,  uses swamp eels in stir-fries with garlic and soy sauce. Given its distribution, it is probably enjoyed in other parts of the world as well.

I'm not sure what to think about most peoples' knowledge of swamp eels coming from a single trading card. Konami didn't have accuracy in mind, but, to be honest, they made these not-lungfish look cooler than their real-life counterparts. The real Macrotrema and swamp eels in general are pretty neat animals, too.

Creature Feature: Neon Tetras.

At the Lit Fair today, one author who wrote a book about shapeshifters and other superpowers got into a convo with me about GloFish. She herself was a bio major at Northwestern, so she got a huge kick out of us now being able to make zebra danios in every color of the rainbow. She thought her son would get a kick out of them, too. Well, whatever it takes to possibly make glowing rats (or snakes!) into pets works, I suppose.

For those of us who aren't so keen on Frankenfish, there are neon tetras. Neon tetras are among the most popular and manageable aquarium fish around, along with being beautiful to boot. Most specimens in the U.S. are imported from Thailand or Hong Kong, but the fish is actually native to South America. This entry is just about the neon tetra Paracheirodon innesi - any other 'neon tetras' don't count, here.

Now, to be fair, neon tetras do not glow like GloFish. They instead have a bright blue, iridescent stripe running along their bodies. This evolved so that other neon tetras can recognize them in the darkwater rivers of Brazil, Peru, and Colombia.  The stripe and red marking actually become duller when the fish rests - a neat color-changing trick rarely seen on land. Still, this is probably as close as you're going to get to a 'natural' GloFish, especially if you're on a budget.  Buy a school of them; they'll be happier and more colorful that way.

Neon tetras are omnivorous. While they will do fine on flake food in captivity, some meatier things like brine shrimp are also recommended.  Some special pellet foods even contain supplements to enhance the tetras' natural coloration. Bear in mind that they'll still dull a little when stressed or tired. They may not be what most people think of when they hear "Omnivorous fish," but they won't be happy on fish flakes. They also get along well with other tetras and guppies. (Do your research, as usual.)

Although generally seen as a 'starter fish' for tropical fishkeeping, neon tetras have one nasty disease. It's simply called "Neon Tetra Disease" and is characterized by restlessness, loss of color, cysts, and difficulty swimming. Despite tetras being a very popular fish, there is no cure for the disease.  Since tetras are hard to breed (again, despite their popularity), you will likely have to dispose of all the tetras and buy more from Thailand if they get hit with NTD. Tetras are beautiful fish, but beauty is far from permanent.

Let's Go Spelunking: Mexican Tetra.

Just when you thought cave animals could not get any weirder, this happens:



Those are both the same species of fish, the Mexican tetra (Astyanax mexicanus). It ranges from the Rio Grande in Texas to Central Mexico, both in caves and in surface rivers. The main (but not only) difference between them is simple: One has eyes and one does not.

The eyed and eyeless Mexican tetras have several differences. While the Mexican tetra's surface form looks like, well, a normal silvery fish, the cave form is albino, almost see-through, and, most obviously, eyeless. On the slightly less noticeable side of things, cave tetras store more energy as fat and have much better senses of smell and hearing than their sunlight-dwelling brethren. If you want to see how stuff that evolved in caves is different from its counterpart on the surface world, Mexican tetras are a great place to start. 

Love is blind! (c) Richard Borowsky.

When the blind specimens are born, they have eyes. As the fish grows, opaque skin grows over the eyes, rendering the fish completely blind. The eyes themselves also degenerate as the fish grows older. The coding for eyes is there, it just gets overridden as the fish matures. Nobody knows precisely why, but theories such as protein conservation and sheer dumb luck have both been tossed around.

The exotic pet trade loves these fish, particularly the blind ones. They recommend putting natural rocks into the tank and keeping them in semi-aggressive schools. The appeal is obvious: pet hobbyists, regardless of what sort, like different things.  It's hard to get more different than a blind fish with a see-through body. 

Creationists also love picking on this fish as evidence against evolution. Without factoring in the extensive adaptations this fish has made to cave life, it seems weird that an animal would develop eyes, then suddenly lose them. Clearly they are not familiar with the sheer amount of junk traits humans have retained over time, like our ill-adjustment to something as basic as being bipedal.

Let's Go Spelunking!: Waterfall-Climbing Cave Fish.

As hinted at in yesterday's entry, cave creatures can get pretty darn creepy. They often have pale skin and no eyes- usually enough to create a terrifying effect by themselves. They use senses that are either diminished in humans or completely absent. Troglobites (creatures that live in caves) are about as close as we can get to aliens on earth.  The deepsea abyss is a close second, of course.

Enter the first of the animals this week that will both terrify and fascinate you: the Waterfall Climbing Fish (Cryptotora thamicola).  It makes its home in a special type of limestone cave called a karst. It eats biofilm (i.e. that grimy stuff you might find in pet dishes) off of rocks in the darkness. Native only, and we mean only, to Thailand, it is darn near impossible to see in the wild. I don't think there are any captives, so very little is known about these fish indeed. It is also called the "cave angel fish."

The Waterfall Climbing Fish exhibits many traits common to most animals that spend their lives entirely in caves. It's blind. Its skin is white and slightly translucent. It sends chills through your soul because it looks so much like a regular fish, but not. Welcome to cave life!



Then the Waterfall Climbing Fish takes the weirdness up a notch by making Christians commit mass suicide: It climbs with its fins. Although not truly lobed like the fins of lungfish or coelacanths, the waterfall fish's fins are indeed able to move like feet. In that light, it's also interesting how these not-limbs are positioned (the actual 'body' of that fish isn't that long - on most fish, the hind fins would be way farther back). Give it a few millennia and we may well get an eyeless lizard that has evolved completely independently from all other reptiles. Darwin was right.

There is no endangered status for this fish, but it's so rare that it's listed as vulnerable. There is likely not enough data to truly classify it as endangered. However, nearly all freshwater ecosystems are extremely fragile; there's no reason a single cave in Thailand should be an exception to that. It probably does deserve to be on the endangered list if it's that rare.

"They Actually Eat That:" Parrot Fish.

This parrot fish is no more. It has ceased to be. It has expired and gone to be someone's dinner. It's a stiff, bereft of life. THIS is an ex-parrot fish!

Yes, they actually eat parrot fish. China and Korea will eat almost anything; small surprise to find parrot fish in a few other countries in East Asia, e.g. the Philippines and Malaysia. It has spread to markets in the United States, including some places in San Diego and Chicago. That people eat parrot fish is hardly surprising, but still enough to make people who appreciate how colorful and awesome parrot fish are a little bit teary.

One can probably guess that parrot fish is particularly popular on islands. According to National Geographic, parrot fish is considered a delicacy in Polynesia. Filipino food may also use parrot fish. Hawaii just loves them, and they can catch them locally, too!



Certain Chinese (and likely Korean) restaurants may also cook parrot fish for you. It is likely an obscure item along the lines of zombie jellyfish, however, so not many places will have it. Still, if you seek this colorful fish, try Asian markets. It probably helps if you know someone who already speaks Chinese or Korean.

As for what it tastes like? Parrot fish has been described as white, delicate, and very chewy. Until I actually find some parrot fish for myself, I will not be able to confirm or deny whether or not it constitutes a delicacy.  I may be taking a trip to a Korean grocery store, soon, but if you have personally ever eaten parrot fish, let us know!

Creature Feature: Parrotfish.

[Internet blackout day entry. Expect colors.]

It occurred to us that, after making the banner, we had not done all of the creatures it featured. It's about time we fixed that; as cyan goes, the ocean sports it pretty well. The cyan in my banner, however, belongs to a parrotfish.



 Parrotfish are large, colorful members of the wrasse group. Their own family, Scaridae, has several genera. They can be found in most tropical waters. There are a fair amount of different species in a variety of sizes, but they are all living acid trips. Every single one.

Parrotfish are some of the most colorful fish in the sea. They do not even have the same colors throughout their lives, even though almost every stage properly resembles an acid trip. Due to the radical ontogenic color changes that can take place, scientists once had around 350 parrotfish species on record; the actual number is somewhere around 80.

This is a GUY.

 

That is not the limit of the parrot fish's weirdness. Like many saltwater fish, parrot fish can change sex if the need arises.Parrot fish have a harem system - that is, one male with several females. If that one male dies, the highest female in the group starts making some rather manly hormones and steals his throne. If this sounds familiar, it's because clownfish do something similar.

 

Parrot fish eat coral. More specifically, the fish eats the algae inside the gooey little polyps that make up coral reefs. Those teeth up there, aside from looking like a Grateful Dead cover gone horribly wrong, are used to crunch through the calcified skeletons of the tiny cnidarians that build the reefs. The end result, by the way, is that parrot fish excrete sand. You're welcome.

Did we mention that parrotfish, although diurnal, sleep in mucous cocoons like some sort of metamorphosing alien during the night? No? All right then. Beware of the gnashing teeth in your nightmares. 

"They Actually Eat That:" Seahorse.

"Seahorses rule the world now. Surprised nobody saw it coming."

Seahorses are among the hardest fish to dislike. They're probably the cutest fishes in the sea, what with looking like legless ponies and all. The good connotation of horses carries over to their seaborne counterparts. In China, they're even considered baby dragons. They're also pretty cool in that the male carries babies for a while, making feminists everywhere happy.



Oh, and China eats them.  Seahorses with sticks up their guts can be found all the time in Asian night markets. These night markets are hotbeds of weird food. If it is a thing and was once alive, China has skewered it on a stick. Seahorses are no exception. So much for ruling the world.

Of all things, seahorses are described as tasting like spiced pork rinds. Somebody needs to tell us how this works; yes, that seahorse is probably mostly air, but pork? We were expecting, umm, another fish.  It just goes to show that, with the right seasonings, anything can taste good. Anything. 

 

By the way, seahorses are also used in traditional medicine. In the seadragon entry, we mentioned that seadragons, close relatives of seahorses, were under threat because they could be used as medicine, of all things. Given what China does with almost every other animal on the planet, seahorses probably have some magical properties, too. I'm not sure whether the seahorse-kebabs are captive-bred or not. Beware of buying anything seahorse-related. There's a good chance you may be picking up something endangered.

This blog needs a tally board. Every time China eats something weird, I will add another mark to the board. After a few months, I am quite sure that the board will be full. 

Creature Feature: Leafy Seadragon.

Hah. You thought we were out of weird creatures, didn't you? Nope. Nature never runs out of weirdness. That goes double for the ocean, where, in his city at R'yleh, dread Cthulhu waits dreaming. This creature is not that traumatizing, but it will make you scratch your head a little...if you can find it. MWAHAHA!

This was the best pic I could find that did NOT point the dragon out for you.

The leafy seadragon (Phycodurus eques) is, as looks would suggest, related to seahorses and pipefish. It eats small crustaceans and plankton, usually while staying perfectly still. It is native only to the waters of Southern Australia, where it has a cult following. They have a leafy festival and the seadragon is their official mascot. The whole state loves leafies!



The leafy seadragon is, of course, best known for its insane camouflage. Those fleshy protrusions make it look a lot like seaweed. The photos online do not do this creature's camouflage justice; much of the time, it is a lot harder to pick one out in a bundle of sea plants than one would think. Mind, the camouflage comes with a hefty price: the 'leaves' serve absolutely no other purpose, making the leafy a slow-moving target when it's not in the plants.

From Animalpicturesarchive.

Everything in nature is out to get leafy seadragons. Collectors and practicioners of traditional medicine covet the leafies. They are very slow swimmers, making the babies easy game. Since the leafy's tail is not flexible in the least, they cannot grab onto anything, and many get washed ashore in storms. Pollution is killing off a lot of the sea plants sea dragons use to hide. In other words, this creature has an existence only slightly more credible than that of the panda.

For those of you wanting a pet dragon, good luck. It's possible to get leafy seadragons, but they are often quite expensive. There have been regulations on capturing leafies for ages. Captive stock must be confirmed before purchasing a leafy. Even then, specimens are fragile; only the Tennessee Aquarium has been able to breed them regularly. Better stick with Pokemon's Kingdra unless you have a good amount of cash to blow and a degree in marine biology. (Yes, I know, Kingdra is more like a seahorse in several aspects.)

Week of the Abyss Cont'd.: Walking batfish.

Yes, that is a fish...and it's walking.  Creationists beware: You have found your proof that Darwin was right.

Just when you thought anglerfish could get no weirder, the walking batfish crawls up and says "hello." They are native to nearly all oceans, and can also be found in shallower waters. More on those varieties later.

Fish-people are inevitable.

 

The walking batfish (Family Ogcocephalidae) barely looks like a fish at first glance. Its pectoral fins have been modified to walk on the ocean floor. With limbs so adapted for walking, batfish are poor swimmers. They are also proof that Dagon is, in fact, raising an army in the depths. Shh, keep that one a secret between us.

All species of batfish are predatory. Like other anglerfish, they have a lure (properly called an "esca") at the end of their long noses. Instead of using light like most other species, however, this lure emits a chemical bait. Abyssal hunters tend to be very lazy; all the fish has to do is snap prey up. They usually eat worms, fish, and small crustaceans.

I'm Batfish. And

Several species of New World batfish live in shallower waters. These species are...colorful, to say the least. One could honestly wonder whether the fish above was a poor PhotoShop job. One species, the Louisiana Pancake Batfish, was damaged by the Gulf spill early last year, so please pay it a visit while you still can. People who know about this weird fish have been bemoaning its decline thanks to the spill.

Oh, and by the way: This is one of the few abyssal creatures that one can actually keep as a pet. There are several videos of these fish walking in aquaria and a few care sheets floating around. The requirements for batfish are kind of specific, but we almost guarantee that nobody else on the block will have one.

Week of the Abyss cont'd.:Viperfish.

We've said it before and we'll say it again: If you add "fish" onto almost every word in the English dictionary, there is probably a real creature to match. Some of these matches are justified. Others not so much. The viperfish most certainly is, even though it is not venomous in the least. Just...



...what else WOULD you call this?

Viperfish (genus Chauliodus) range from 1-2 feet (30-60 cm) in length and, yes, are fierce predators. They are native to tropical waters. Their lifespan is uncertain, with speculations ranging from 30-40 years in the wild.  Again, this is the week of the abyss continued; viperfish spend the majority of their time in pitch darkness, but venture up to lighter depths occasionally. Both sharks and dolphins have been known to prey upon viperfish.



The most striking thing about this fish are, of course, those disproportionately huge teeth. The bottom teeth on this fish are so big that they curve behind the fish's head. Like many abyssal predators, the viperfish uses a light lure to get little fishies curious before immobilizing prey with its long teeth, meaning that the viperfish does not need to swim far or fast to get a meal.

That is not all the light lure is used for. Unlike anglerfish, viperfish have been shown communicating with each other using their natural lamps. Does this show pack hunting - perhaps even intelligent behavior- within the depths of darkness?  Perhaps their name ought to be changed to "raptorfish" if they show coordinated attacks. There is still much to learn.

Although not as well-received as the anglerfish in popular culture, the viperfish is a fairly popular deepsea fish. Artists absolutely love this thing - after all, what says "fierce" better than a mouth with teeth so big that they barely fit? This is probably the most kickass head tattoo I have ever seen - not that I would EVER do something like that myself.