Blasphemy Week: Irukandji.

There is no better way to disprove "Jesus loves you" than to look at Australia. Kangaroos? They're smart enough to drown dogs. Speaking of dogs, dingoes- you know, the canids that eat babies - originated from the pet dogs brought over by Aborigines. See that koala? That'll kill you, too. Australia is the monster ballad of "HUMANS SHOULDN'T BE HERE," as if an island of venomous snakes was not bad enough. Oh, Australia has those, too, by the way.

So how do you choose one unholy terror in an island chock-full of demonic wildlife? You go a little bit outside the island and into the ocean. Then you die, because you didn't count on this thing giving you a tap on the shoulder:

Source.

That little jellyfish is called an Irukandji. It is found only in the waters of Northern Australia - y'know, as if the rest of the island wasn't trying to kill you already. There are several species in at least two different genera, meaning that those waters are a breeding ground for a number of unknown, lethal jellies. It eats fish, but incidentally, anything that touches it dies.

Yes, it really is that small- only 2.5 centimeters at the bell. Since this is a jellyfish we're talking about, it's also that invisible; you don't even see the thing coming. Its tentacles are finer than human hair and can get up to a meter long. Good luck detecting it. And, yes, it is also that venomous.

Source.

The Irukandji is officially the most venomous animal on the planet. Five minutes in, most humans (y'know, the ones without mongoose blood coursing through their veins) start feeling achy in the back, muscles, and generally all over, as well as sweating, anxiety, and other ill signs. If left untreated, it becomes a pain so excruciating that survivors tell doctors to kill them.  Even morphine fails to dull the pain this little jelly dishes out.

So we have a tiny little creature that is not only invisible, but also manages to encapsulate sadism so thoroughly that people beg for a merciful death. This creature was actually horrifying enough to make it into Franken Fran. Still think that there's a loving God? The jellyfish disagrees.

"They Actually Eat That:" Jellyfish.

Or, if you prefer,"I Actually Ate That: Jellyfish Salad."

Those brown stringy bits on top of diced cucumbers are none other than 100% genuine jellyfish. They came from an authentic Chinese restaurant near Chicago's Chinatown. They tasted all right - in short, like the dressing on the salad - and are easily the wiggliest thing I will ever try. Unless, of course, I manage to get my mitts on ikizurkuri...no, wait. Even then, these disembodied strips of cnidarian would out-wiggle a death-twitching fish.

The creepy thing is, even with all that wiggling, there was a good chance that the jellyfish I had was dried before it reached my plate. After looking around at recipes, it turns out that dried jellyfish is commonly found in Korean and Chinese marketplaces. The jellyfish are rehydrated before being cut into strips. So...wait a minute. I was eating zombie jellyfish. 

Besides jellyfish, common ingredients in a jellyfish salad include cucumber, dried prawns, and sesame. It is very easy to prepare and always served cold. One recipe usually serves 2-4 people depending on how much one intends to eat. That's a lot of re-soaked cnidarian.

Additional testimony confirms my thoughts about what it is actually like to eat jellyfish: Slimy, scrunchy, and just barely an animal. Jellyfish has a texture all its own. If some just so happens to find its way into your fish sticks, you'll know. Believe me, there is nothing like eating jellyfish. They are becoming more and more common, so expect this trend to catch on...

Peanut butter and jellyfish from Deep End Dining.

So, should you try jellyfish, if you get the chance? Sure. It's worth trying, and definitely fun to watch wiggle in your chopsticks. If you can find a place that has jellyfish, by all means dig in and try some cnidarian.

Creature Feature: Upside-down Jellyfish.

Cnidarians, as creatures, are underrated. Sure, they don't have claws, teeth, or even spinal cords, but that does not make them any less fascinating than large predatory mammals. The only two biologically-immortal animals in existence are cnidarians. All those pretty fluorescent proteins used in labs come from jellyfish and anemones. A box jellyfish will kill you more quickly than a tiger. Hell, cnidarians even have a sort of agriculture.



Cassiopea jellyfish are also aptly called upside-down jellyfish. They are found in swamps and mudflats of hot, humid areas like Florida, Hawaii, and Southeast Asia. Instead of stinging like normal jellies, they secrete their venom into a mucous cloud above them; said fluid is extremely itchy to swim through. They are not born upside-down, but do eventually spend their lives as living, tentacled pancakes secreting itchy fluid into the water.

Upside-down jellyfish often have algae growing on their tentacles. Specifically, zooxanthellae, a type of protist algae (as opposed to stuff like cyanobacteria), take up residence in the jellies' tentacles, making them look more like flora than fauna. The algae get a more or less safe place while the jellyfish get food. They even get free water circulation from the Cassiopea's pulsating bell. It all works out.

Of course, some things take advantage of these jellies' unusual anatomy. Sea urchin crabs steal them and put them on their backs as goofy-looking, living protection. Loggerhead sea turtles and ocean sunfish love these jellies (they're probably whole foods!). Admittedly, when you look like a salad bar, you are asking to be food no matter how toxic you are.

Cnidarians: Is there anything they can't do? Yes, we're pretty sure they can do tentacle rape, too.

Creature Feature: Box Jellyfish/Sea Wasp.

It stuns me that there has never been a horror flick about jellyfish. Their body structures are alien to humans, they have vicious stinging tentacles, and they either look somewhere between creepy and elegant or are darn near invisible in the ocean. As icing on the cake, many of them glow in the dark. Sounds like monster movie material to me.

Haha. If only nature cranked out a gargantuan, man-eating jellyfish for us to play with! The deadliest jellyfish in the world is nigh-invisible, and some of its relatives are tiny.



Chironex fleckeri, also called the sea wasp, is cited as the most lethal jellyfish in existence. Its tentacles contain enough venom to kill 60 adult humans; like everything else in Australia, it is out to kill you, and does a damn good job of it. A few others in the genus have nasty venom as well.

 

Box jellyfish in general are sophisticated cnidarians. As their name indicates, their bells are distinctly cuboid as opposed to being round and frilly like the bells on most jellies. They have a nervous system more complex than that of many jellyfish, and, despite lacking a central nervous system, eyes. These eyes pick up not only dark and light, but also color; box jellyfish were found to have a particular aversion to the color red, so red safety nets are common on Australian beaches. They may also 'sleep' at night, but nobody is sure about that.

When box jellyfish, namely the sea wasp and another, smaller cousin called the Irukandji, hit the beaches, humans are usually warned via large, friendly signs. Rightfully so; these jellies are very hard to see, and with cnidocyte-covered tentacles up to three meters long, few people dare swim. Those that do step into the water risk their lives.


Also a good warning against tentacle rape. Just sayin'.

A sting from a box jelly's tentacle can kill a person in up to three minutes. Of all things, the best immediate remedy is acetic acid - the same stuff that makes vinegar smell. This will not cure the deadly sting, but can keep a person alive until an antivenin is administered. Y'know, if they can get it in before those 3 minutes. Even then, whatever the jellyfish touched will never be the same again.



Tomorrow: It's an iguana! It's a chameleon! It's...WTF is it?

Creature Feature: Lion's Mane Jellyfish.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have some disturbing news: The world is being overrun by jellyfish. Not just any jellyfish, either; slowly but surely, the largest jellyfish in the world is taking over the seas.



This jellyfish has been appropriately dubbed the "Lion's Mane Jellyfish" (Cyanea capillata) due to its large size and extra-long tentacles. The largest jellyfish bell has been recorded at 7.6 feet (2.3m) in diameter, and the same jellyfish's train of tentacles was 120 feet (36.5m) long. It is considered the longest known animal in the world.

Y'know, the world that it will soon take over. 

Lion's mane jellyfish have become more and more abundant as of late. Science blames a number of factors for the rise. Global warming and overfishing are among the likely reasons; with warmer waters and less competition for food, the Lion's mane jellyfish are taking over the sea, and therefore the world.

Before you say that this is something that only happens in the tropics, you are way off. These jellyfish have a cousin in Australia, but they themselves are cold water jellies. The largest recorded Lion's mane up there was found near Massachusetts. Nowhere exotic. Other blooms have been found near Spain, England, and the Mediterranean coast. They have been seen around Japan (surprise, surprise) and Hawaii as well. They are targeting places that superpredators do not get to; good thing their stings are not deadly.

That said, an encounter with one of these jelly's stinging tentacles still sucks.  Symptoms include temporary pain and localized redness. They can sting after they are dead, too, so this is one dead thing to not poke with a stick.

On the plus side...



...if we can somehow make peace with these cnidarians, we can have squishies, too.

Tomorrow: As if regular starfish were not weird enough. 

Creature Feature: Immortal Jellyfish.

For an immortal creature, it's quite demure-looking. Can I have an immortal Christmas ornament?

The title does not lie: There really is such a thing as an immortal jellyfish. Turritopsis nutricula does not know the meaning of 'die.' At any stage in its lifetime, it can revert back to its polyp form - the rough equivalent of a mature human becoming a baby again. This effectively makes it immortal.

How does it do this? Well, some creatures, such as salamanders, can regenerate parts via a process called "transdifferentiation." In laymen's terms, one type of non-stem cell becomes another. Usually, this process is irreversible and only occurs in one or two parts of the creature's body.

This jellyfish can reshuffle its whole life cycle. Some little critters without complex brains just flipped science the bird.

Despite the chance for immortality, many of these jellyfish do not live long, eternal lives. They are still susceptible to diseases and predation. They are, however, prolific enough to be overcrowding the oceans. No wonder there are so many Tentacool in Pokemon.

Now, I know these guys are not cephalopods, but this STILL merits an "IA CTHULHU!" or two. One of those jellyfish, mutated by radiation, waits in the R'lyeh dreaming. It's not dead, just sleeping.

Your days are numbered, chordates...