Creature Feature: Argentine Ants.

No matter how advanced humans get or how much we spawn, insects will always outdo us. They spawn faster, evolve faster, and several species are remarkably social. Hell, now, they've even caught up in the invasive species department. We thought we had that market cornered.

First, a reminder: Ants are already secretly terrifying, and not just when they happen to be on your food. They are the only animals aside from humans (and maybe chimps) that wage war. They also have livestock in the form of aphids and agriculture in the form of fungi. These little insects are so much like us that it's uncanny. They're almost idealized as hard workers that are so driven to work that they are all but born into a caste. This is eusocial? Creepy.

The Argentine ant takes the creepiness up another few levels. It is a dark ant native to Brazil, Ecuador, and, of course, Argentina. Now, they can be found on every continent except Antarctica (y'know, the only continent with "ant" in its name). They probably spread via human transport, but "alien conspiracy" would not surprise us, either. They're ants, so they'll eat whatever's around.

If you thought Japanese beetles were bad, they have nothing on the invasive power of Argentine ants.  These ants have spread to every area willing to accommodate them. All it takes is ten workers and a single queen to churn out a whole colony. Since these are ants we're talking about, they are also perfectly capable of displacing current ant species, making the Argentine officially the One Ant to Rule Them All. People worry about culture becoming homogenized; these ants are already most of the way there.

You know what's even creepier? Every single Argentine ant colony outside of Argentina is genetically related. Scientists have taken ants from Europe and mixed them with Asian and North American colonies with no ill results. Go ahead, try this with humans (even triplets who had to separate for some reason). The result will not be this clean.

Also, if you happen to have a problem with these ants...too bad. Pesticides make the queen lay more eggs. There also tend to be many queens. Congratulations, Argentine ants: you have officially taken over the world. Way to beat Pinkie and the Brain to the punch.

Creature Feature/They Actually Eat That: Honeypot Ants.

This blog has covered eating insects more times than we care to count. They are one of those foods that make Americans go "I'm glad our nation is rich enough that we don't have to eat bugs." The fact is, insects are nutritious, economical, and, if prepared right, darn tasty.

So what happens when nature makes an insect with an "eat me" sign stamped on its rear? Only one thing:

The honeypot ant (Myrmecocystus et al.) is one of the few insects that begs to be eaten.  There are several genera with the one cited here being native to North America. Other honeypot ants can be found in Australia and South Africa. These ants are most common in dry environments where food and water are scarce.

The term "honeypot ant' can refer to a number of species of ants that have exactly one thing in common: Certain members of their colony store food in their bodies for others. This can be something sweet, like sugar, or a concentrate of various fluids and pieces of whatever the workers happened to come across. Whatever the source, the result is always the same:

From NASA, of all places.

Unlike most animals, who will either cache or store food in their nests for when the time is right, honeypot ants store food in their abdomens. The tiny ant's rear end can easily swell to the size of a grape if it gets enough food in there. This hinders the ant's mobility considerably; if they get too swollen, they cannot move. They are thus usually found underground in the nests, being mined and fed by the workers. Hello, easy lunch!



In all seriousness? These ants are designed to be eaten by other members of their colony. When food sources get low, they're the emergency rations. Their proper name is "repletes." Hell, other ant colonies will also raid nests with honeypots - they're that valuable in terms of water and nutrients. Remember, ants wage war for the same reasons humans do: resources.

Humans have found out that these ants are good eatin', too. They aren't high cuisine, but the Warlpiri Aborigines in Australia have taken quite a shine to them. No preparation is required - just bite the sweet-tasting abdomen and go. Nature is a free buffet if you know where to look.

Creature Feature: Electric Ant.

A lot of people in the United States are freaking out about Burmese Pythons in Florida. While escaped giant snakes often make the news anyways, the problem in Florida is that a lot of them escaped and are breeding. This puts the native alligator population in considerable danger. It doesn't help that these particular snakes now have a reputation for being man-eaters after one devoured somebody's daughter.  Thing is, even with these points, there are always damaging invasive species wherever humans travel...and they don't have to be very big to cause a lot of damage.

 

The ant above is called the electric ant or little fire ant (Wasmannia auropunctata). As both common names imply, these ants sting like a bitch. They have a distinctly brassy color so that, should you see them on your food, you know to run the eff away. They are native to Central and South America. Ants are among the few species besides humans that wage war, but this ant takes the term "invasive species" to a whole new level.

See, along with Central and South America, these ants can be found in New Caledonia, Australia, Puerto Rico, Hawaii, the Galapagos, Africa, Israel, North America, and everywhere else where things do not freeze over. Presumably, this includes Hell. Wherever they land, they wreak unholy havoc on the local wildlife. Take, for example, this charming excerpt concerning what they do to Galapagos tortoises:

"...it eats the hatchlings of tortoises and attacks the eyes and cloacae of the adult tortoises. It is considered to be perhaps the greatest ant species threat in the Pacific region."

In English: It eats the tortoises' babies. As if that was not nuts enough, it goes for the eyes, the most vulnerable part of any animal, and the tortoises' junk. Your furry pets are definitely not safe, either - these ants will consistently go for the eyes and junk. Research is currently being done to see if these ants are affecting the eyes of Floridians or not, but given that the ants seem to be dicks, we would not be surprised. Even native ants - you know, the kinds of ants that HAVE queens and small armies - cannot usually fight these guys off. Hooo boy.



Did we mention that even the workers can reproduce in this species? No? Well, both male and female electric ants are capable of clonal, parthenogenic reproduction. All it takes is one ant hitchhiking to wreak havoc. Still worried about those massive pythons?

Creature Feature: Slavemaker Ants.

Of all the insects in the world, there are two that society does not hate: Ants and bees. (Butterflies are also likely on this list.) In the Western world at least, ants (and bees, but particularly ants, here) are characterized as hardworking, cute little fellows who only get the slightest taste of human wrath when they invade our picnic tables. Aesop, one of the most famous fable-makers of all time, treated the ant as the ideal worker (with bees having a similar connotation in a certain poem about women).

Ants have to be one of the most over-anthropomorphized insects of all time.  Yes, they are social animals like we are. Yes, they have cute little job classes like we do. Yes, we more or less gave the big female in charge the name of 'queen,' but what would you call the only ant who ever gets to mate (and how!)? They're still insects, and their colonies follow slightly different rules of conduct from human societies. It's not baseless, but still pushing the bar. After all, it's not like they wage war or take prisoners...

...oh, wait. They totally do.

 

There are some ants outright called "slavemaker ants." Most of them are found in Europe, with Ravoux's slavemaker ant (Myrmoxenus ravouxi) native to just Europe and the not necessarily evil Formica sanguinea reaching all the way to Japan. There are a few others as well. These ants all use similar processes in their survival; the one with "slavemaker" in its name is one of the few inherently evil insects on the planet. This blog has covered Japanese hornets; these ants are worse.

First, the queen of a slavemaker ant colony has a lot of very good sex back at the old anthill. Then, she slips into another ant colony, either by playing dead or by pheromone manipulation. Her sole goal in life is to kill the other colony's queen, then usurp the throne.



She then bathes herself in the old queen's pheromones like an insectoid version of Countess Bathory. Since pheromones mean quite a lot to insects, the workers are none the wiser as the new queen takes over. Naturally, she proceeds to lay her own eggs therein.

Other species of ants go on all-out invasions of other colonies, very much like human warfare. It's actually kind of creepy that ants and bees are called "eusocial" - does that mean that scientists consider their warlike habits a mark of a good society?

I'm watching you.