Freak Week II: Semper Augustus and Tulipmania.

Happy April 2nd, everyone! What better way to celebrate the coming of Spring (in one part of the world) than with a flower?



Yes, those are tulips (genus Tulipa), one of the most popular ornamental flowers in the world. These are very special types of tulip called Semper Augustus that was grown back in 17th-century Holland. Do not try to look for one in a flower catalog. You may find similar-looking tulips, but Semper Augustus is an extinct strain of tulip.

What the hell happened?

Back in 1593, tulips were introduced to Europe via the Ottoman Empire. Since they were new and very hard to grow (a tulip bulb only forms once every 7-12 years), they were seen as status symbols. The Dutch became particularly fond of them.


They might STILL be crazy.

By 1637, the Dutch had gone completely nuts raising tulips. They not only had red, yellow, and white varieties, but began to breed tulips with odd "flames" and streaks on their petals. Several of these odd tulips, including the Semper Augustus and the Viceroy, were so rare and expensive that people would sell the farm to get just one bulb.


Watercolor drawing of a Viceroy. Not worth as much as the actual flower.

No, seriously. Here is what people paid for a Viceroy, which was not even the most expensive bulb in existence:

Two lasts of wheat	448ƒ
Four lasts of rye	558ƒ
Four fat oxen	480ƒ
Eight fat swine	240ƒ
Twelve fat sheep	120ƒ
Two hogsheads of wine	70ƒ
Four tuns of beer	32ƒ
Two tons of butter	192ƒ
1,000 lb. of cheese	120ƒ
A complete bed	100ƒ
A suit of clothes	80ƒ
A silver drinking cup	60ƒ
Total	2500ƒ

In modern money, that's around 1,250 USD. Semper Augustus ran for at least twice that. That's a few bills. It is also a lot more than the average Dutch worker made.  Hell, see the cows on that list? Cows are expensive animals. These were very pricey tulips.

Rare color patterns like those found on the Semper Augustus and Viceroy were caused by the tulip breaking virus. It is spread by aphids and also called "tulip mosaic virus," "Lily streak virus," or simply "TMV." This virus causes abnormal white streaks in the tulip's petals. Modern strains of tulip with streaks are just bred that way; no tulips were harmed to make the bulbs available in magazines.

Utilizing this virus to give tulips unique patterns came with a downside: The virus severely stunts the growth of the plant. Successive breeding accelerated this effect so much that the bulb did not develop into a flower, thus ending the genetic line.

 

People lost millions breeding impermanent tulips. There were investment pamphlets advising against tulips, frequently citing religious material. Much like homosexuals and abortions today, tulips were considered against Christian morals.  We hope they were not likening it to genitalia, but given how the Christian mind works, it would not have been out of bounds.


Suggestive, much?

Since then, "tulip mania" has been used to describe any economic bubble. The dot-com bubble, expensive ball pythons, and the subprime mortgage crisis have all been compared to the tulip craze in Holland. Although reports of exactly how many people got into tulips are likely exaggerated, some people were certainly mad about flowers.


Tomorrow: Incense and peppermints...and White Widow.

Freak Week II: Ankole-Watusi Cattle.

"Cows are my frieeends" - GIR, Invader Zim.

Before they were lard-laden milk and meat creatures, cows were considered awesome animals. If one had a cow in ancient Greece, it was a status symbol. A cow is a lot bigger than you think it is. More people are killed by pissing off cows than by pissing off sharks. Again, one wonders whose bright idea it was to steal milk from an animal that could easily run one over.

One is forced to wonder that once more upon seeing how badass some cattle look.

 

Those giant horns belong to Ankole-Watusi cattle, a breed native to southern Africa. They can deal with almost any sort of climate and sparse resources, making them popular around the world. Plus, those horns look awesome.

Ankole-Watusi cattle were bred for gigantic horns. These not only have a practical use - honestly, a lion would probably run from horns that spread 8 feet from tip to tip - but also look beyond badass. The horns also help the cow maintain body heat in its native habitat.

 

In Africa, these cows were usually kept by royalty, and are still rarely slaughtered for meat. Live animals were more valuable than dead ones in ancient times. We cannot really blame them for treating cows with such magnificent adaptations as special; their horns and hardiness in the harsh African climate cement their status as the "cattle of kings."

Ankole-Watusi cattle were originally imported as zoo animals. Their zebu lineage and massive horns made them eye candy until the 1930's. Afterward, the cattle made it into private collections. Today most zoos would not dare show off a breed of a domesticated animal; apparently, they just aren't wild enough anymore! (Again, we must gun for a "zoo of freaks.")

That is one horny bull...

As one may have guessed, Ankole-Watusi cattle are primarily ornamental. They do, however, have lean meat and milk rich in butterfat. Some breeders choose to emphasize these commercial aspects; others amplify the exotic look. Take your pick as to which you would choose, but in either case, holy cow!

Tomorrow: Tiptoe through the tulips...

Freak Week II: Scottish Folds and American Curls.

Notice something a little bit...off...about that adorable little kitten?



OH MY GOODNESS, A CATGIRL STOLE ITS EARS!



Actually, no kittens were harmed in making catgirls. The cat above is of a special 'breed' called a Scottish Fold. As the name implies, the ears on Scottish Fold kittens have the cartilage folded downward. This gives them a round-headed look that has been described as "owlish."


O rly?

The Scottish Fold breed started with one cat, Suzie, who lived on a farm near Perthshire, Scotland. When she had kittens, two of them were born with folded ears like their mother. One of the kittens was taken in by a nearby cat-fancier, and the breed developed from there. Ear-folding is dominant, so the trait was easy to pass on to many varieties of cat. Thus the breed was born.

Before you ask: Yes, all Scottish Folds are directly related to Suzie. They are not necessarily inbred (responsible breeders encourage outcrossing), but have an amazing amount of issues from the one trait of folded ears. Even well-bred kittens develop osteochondrodysplasia - or, in English, bone problems. This can include anything from malformed bones at birth to severe arthritis in later years. These issues are so common with Scottish Folds that one vet discouraged breeding them entirely; they are also not recognized by European fanciers as a breed.



Of course, a breed needs more than one trait to be considered a breed. As in canids, cats with folded ears tend to have amicable personalities. Folds are very communicative cats; they also sleep on their backs and sit in "Buddha Position." Aww, they think they're people!

A DS is not included with Scottish Fold cats. Sorry.

If folded ears are not your thing, the American Curl has the exact opposite mutation of the Scottish Fold: A Curl's ears curl upward for an expression of eternal surprise. Pet Curls can have the ears curling almost straight upward; show-quality curls demand a definite curl, but not so much that the ears touch the skull. Both longhair and shorthair Curls have very silky coats. If you like your cats a little bit odd but still with hair, the ears have it.

Not to be confused with the American Girl franchise.

Tomorrow: We swear, this was the weirdest horse we could find...

Freak Week II: Bully Whippets.

Pop quiz: What is wrong with this dog?
A) OMG THAT PICTURE IS SOOO FAKE!
B) It's an experiment by the EVUL COMMUNIST RUSSIANS! We're SCREWED!
C) One gene.

Sorry, this picture has been sent around the interwebs so frequently as a "real or fake?" or Russian conspiracy fodder that it merited a short quiz. Beneath all this internet BS is a normal whippet with only one gene awry. As you can see, Wendy is a perfectly content Boston family pet underneath all that muscle:



Not all whippets are as muscular as Wendy. Whippets are a sort of mini greyhound bred for one thing: speed. They can run up to 36 mph and have a winning demeanor. As dog breeds go, whippets are relatively problem-free; at most, they have some "athletic" heart diseases, but otherwise lead average dog lives.


Normal whippet.

Super-muscular whippets like Wendy are called "bully whippets." This says nothing about their personalities, just their bizarre build. The gene for extra-fast whippets is the heterozygous form of the gene that omits myostatin in dogs. Having two of the same omission allele together leads to double-muscling, creating the same beefy look found in Belgian Blue cattle (from last Freak Week). Seriously - it's the exact same mutation, just in a dog instead of a cow.

Hey, Korea...

 

Imagine crossing a bully whippet with a Chinese Crested, Xoloitzquintle, or Peruvian Inca Orchid. If the resulting image made you wet your pants in a combination of fear, WTF, and awesome, our work here is done.

Tomorrow: Hello kitty...with straaange ears.

Freak Week II: Great Danes.

First of all...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LADY GAGA! 

Seriously, Monster Monster, you have inspired me SO much, especially recently. Without you, my life would not even have direction. Freak Week is for you. A whole fantasy universe is for you. The one thing I will not do for you is get a Facebook. If you see this, let me know. Happy birthday!

That said, it seems like not many people have noticed the two Harlequin Great Danes appearing in several of Lady Gaga's videos. Prior to "Born This Way," almost all of Gaga's videos (with the exceptions of "Alejandro," "Just Dance," and "Beautiful, Dirty, Rich") had at least one Great Dane somewhere. Their names were Lava and Rumpus; Rumpus died in October of 2009. They are not technically Gaga's dogs and truly belong to this California breeder. Lava and Rumpus were most obvious in the videos for "Poker Face" and "Telephone" (in which Lava unfortunately gets poisoned along with the rest of the diner).

Fame: It lets one kill puppies and still be A-OK.

Lady Gaga has since changed her mascot to a unicorn. Nothing wrong with that; it's just harder to write an entry on (although the okapi and narwhal entries have some things to say about unicorns). Animals in show business are so underrated, especially when they're odd like Danes. 

Great Danes are an excellent example of exactly how versatile the canine genome is. At first glance, one would never expect that a Great Dane and a Chihuahua could be the same species; it was just luck of the draw that dogs were so versatile. There are an endless amount of mutations to play with in Canis lupus familiaris that took millennia of breeding to flesh out. One of those was, of course, for size.



Great Danes are big. The longest on record is 7.2 feet from head to tail and 3.5 feet (slightly over a meter) at the withers (shoulder height). These dimensions do not really convey how big Great Danes are. We could swap numbers all day, but there is nothing like being in the same room with a dog as big as a pony. Figures do not properly convey how big that is.

Danes are large working dogs, but have also been bred for a regal, elegant appearance and a docile temperament. They are excellent with people and other pets alike. Attacks from this breed are very rare. This has loaned them the nickname "the Apollo of all breeds"- in short, a dog so magnificent that it can be compared to the divine.

Even the divine need flaws, and the Great Dane has them in spades. They have been bred so extensively for size that, like many large dog breeds, they have a tendency towards a nasty stomach disease called gastric dilatation vulvosis (GDV). In GDV, the stomach twists upon itself; this warrants immediate surgery. The usual prescription for preventing this in Danes is to tack the stomach onto the right side of the abdominal wall. No wonder the little puppy above looks so sad.

GDV is just the tip of the iceberg. Danes also have a history of heart conditions which have no reliable prevention method. This barrage of problems leads to a shorter lifespan in Danes than other dogs - approx 6.5-7 years. The name "Heartbreak breed" is more than apt. Poor Rumpus probably got killed off by one of the many breed disorders associated with being a Dane.

By the way, Danes have naturally floppy ears...and usually aren't this white.

Gaga's Harlequin Danes have one more problem to add to the list: Every white dog breed in existence is prone to deafness and poor eyesight. Melanin (black pigment) does a lot in mammals. Parts without black pigment, specifically the ears and eyes, are prone to burning and generally not functioning well. Mammalian ears need melanin to hear properly. If a dog is white around the ears or eyes, it may be deaf, blind, or both. It is strange to hear a deaf dog bark.



Despite all their heritable issues, Danes have left their pawprint on popular culture. Comic dog Marmaduke is a Great Dane. So is the ever-lovable Scooby-Doo. The Hound of the Baskervilles has always been a Great Dane in films. Gaga's dogs are in very good company; it's such a shame that her unicorn invokes images of My Little Pony, Lisa Frank, and CHAARRRLLIIIEEEE.

Tomorrow: Is this dog on steroids? Part of a Russian army experiment to make the world's strongest dog? The answer to both is "no."

Freak Week II HO!

Today is Lady Gaga's birthday. No, we are not trying to deliberately synchronize every theme week with Lady Gaga - just this one. It just so happened that both of these recent themes fit with "Born This Way," too.

This dog is not anorexic. She may or may not have self-esteem issues.

For those of you who missed last Freak Week, it was devoted to things not made by nature, but by man. Specifically, we were looking at different breeds of animal. Chances are, if left to their own devices, Darwin would hit them all with his cane and we would never speak of them again.Breeds can be just as freaky as wild animals; just because it's domesticated doesn't mean it isn't cool!

Freak Week focuses on breeds. That means hybrids like mules do not count. Neither do white tigers; that is just one morph, although they are slowly becoming a breed in and of themselves. Gene-spliced organisms, such as those GFP rats we love so much, also do not qualify as breeds. So, recap: What makes a breed a breed, again?

1. The animal/plant in question has to be considered domesticated.
2. It has to look and behave differently from others of its species.
3. It has to breed true, i.e. pass those different traits on to its offspring. 

So, let the curtains rise on creatures (and plants) that we SWEAR were born that way...

Creature Feature: Freak Week - Sphynx Cats.

(I'm still not sure what kind of Sphynx this is.)

If you thought dogs looked hellish without fur, wait until you see a hairless cat. Sphynxes (to use the term collectively) are unanimously associated with evil in the media. Seriously, the only time I have ever seen a sympathetic Sphynx was in Pet Shop of Horrors - a manga that asks its readers to rethink the world in general. They are very affectionate cats, albeit weird to hold and look at.


Dr. Evil described the sensation of holding a hairless cat as "holding somebody's ass." Lovely imagery.

There are three breeds of hairless cat, or 'Sphynx.' None of them come from Egypt, one of the few places where being hairless would be beneficial; one was born spontaneously in a Canadian litter, and the other two breeds - the Peterbald and Don Sphynx - are both native to Russia. The Russian breeds' hairlessness is a dominant trait while the Canadian version is simple recessive, so crossing the two will not necessarily guarantee a hairless litter. Outbreeding is forbidden in the Canadian Sphynx regardless.

There is also one hairless cat native to the Ukraine that has yet to become an official breed, but looks even freakier than the regular Sphynxes do.


Oh, Russia...or little country that used to be part of Russia, anyways.

Hairless cats still have very fine hair, often described as feeling like peach fuzz or Chamois leather. Unlike hairless dogs, hairless cats are far from ideal for those suffering from cat allergies; many allergies to cats come from the oils on their skin, not from their fur. Some individuals may have overcome their allergen through sheer willpower after acquiring a Sphynx, but by no means are they truly hypoallergenic.

So ends Freak Week...version 1.

Creature Feature: Freak Week - Barb Pigeons.

Pigeons have some of the freakiest breeds in the avian world. If you thought the Polish Chicken was freaky, think back to my pigeon article. There was a picture of a Jacobin there - a pigeon breed that looks like its head exploded into a mess of feathers.


KA-POW!

The Jacobin is not the weirdest pigeon in the coop. An even more bizarre breed, the barb, exists. It can only be described as a pigeon who was trying to be a vulture for Halloween and failed. Miserably.


The video does not do those wattles justice.

This...bizarre breed been around for 400 years in Europe. The barb has been featured in the works of Shakespeare and Darwin's Origin of Species. Darwin himself was a pigeon breeder. No doubt that experience impacted one of the most important works of literature ever.

A lot of scientific discoveries are not made by men in sterile white labs. Darwin not only bred pigeons as a hobby, but also went to the Galapagos himself. Gregor Mendel, the father of modern genetics, worked in a monastery growing peas as a hobby. It is one thing to read about evolution, and another to steer it yourself...even if the results seem more odd than beautiful.

Creature Feature: Freak Week - Japanese Bobtail.

If you have ever seen a cat like the maneki neko above, then you have seen a Japanese Bobtail (Felis catus). As their name would imply, these cats are native to Japan, and have very short tails. They usually come in three colors (making them mikeneko- three-furred cats), but one- or two- colored specimens exist. (Given that calico/tortoiseshell patterns occur almost entirely in female cats, there better be some bicolored males out there!)



Now, being Japanese cats, of course there are interesting stories about them. The maneki neko supposedly made after a rich feudal lord was taking shelter under a tree during a thunderstorm. He saw the beckoning cat in the window of the temple, and went in. A minute later, the tree was struck by lightning. The beckoning cat became a symbol of good luck after the real cat had passed on.

There are also a few stories addressing the stunted tail of the Japanese Bobtail. One of my favorites involves the split-tailed nekomata, a monster cat which can raise and impersonate the dead. In order to prevent more of these monster cats from appearing, the bobtails were bred to have little to no tail - you can't split what isn't there, supernatural forces!



Besides a unique look, Japanese bobtails sport winning personalities. They are very people-oriented cats; like Siamese, they will generally speak when spoken to. They also love babysitting and watching their humans (if you have a cat, you KNOW this is accurate) clean the house for them. They can be leash-trained and taught how to play fetch. Unlike the similar Manx breed, their short tails come with no nasty defects...except, perhaps, hopping like bunnies.



The Shiba-Inu is supposedly one of the most catlike dog breeds. The Japanese Bobtail sounds like one of the most doglike cat breeds. Ladies and gentleman, even the pets are crazy in Japan.


Do I even NEED to mention that Hello Kitty is a Bobtail?

Creature Feature: Freak Week - Hairless Dogs.

It is very, very easy to make a mammal - any mammal - look creepy as all get-out. Cats and dogs are only cute because they have fur. Without fur, they look weird as all hell...and, somehow, sinister. All you have to do is remove a dog's hair to make it look like something out of a survival horror video game:


If you saw this in a desert wasteland, admit it: You'd run screaming.

There are many breeds of hairless dogs. A large portion of them, including the African hairless breeds, are officially extinct. Some would say there is a good reason for that.

A fair amount of hairless breeds still remain. The three that most people know about are the Chinese Cresteds, Peruvian Inca Orchids, and Xolos (AKA Mexican Hairless), but there are a few others, such as the American Hairless Terrier. The Chinese Crested in particular has been a strong contender in "World's Ugliest Dog" contests. (There's a nice video with them here, but just as funny are the links to a Katy Perry interview.)



All hairless dogs come in a haired variety. The trait for hairlessness is lethal if two of the same allele is present; the haired version is recessive in its presence. Therefore, all hairless dogs must be heterozygous for both hairy and hairless puppies.


This is a Chinese Crested WITH fur. They call it a powderpuff.

Along with lacking fur, hairless dogs always have some version of odd dentition (as noticed by Darwin). It is usually not present in their rr haired counterparts. Other health disorders vary with the breed; for example, the Xolo has almost no breed defects beyond dentition, but the Chinese Crested suffers from all the same ailments as other toy dogs.

One allele leads to an impressive creature! There is some general appeal in owning a hairless dog, but the Central American varieties have some particularly interesting lore associated with them. More on that in...well, you'll see.

Creature Feature: Freak Week - Puli.

Does anyone else remember Crimp n' Curl Cabbage Patch Kids dolls/ponies? They had this weird, ropey hair that would hold its shape for a little bit, but would ultimately be re-shapable over and over and over again.


Coming soon to a toy store near you for your daughters to torment. This one did not escape with its dignity.

The Hungarian Puli (Canis lupus familiaris) looks a lot like one of those dolls with a Rastafarian angle. Or a reggae-loving mop with legs. Or...well, comments on a Sun Times post about a Puli dog speak for themselves:



"I think it's really cute :-) "

"BLESS..he even looks dirty like my floormop!!"

"Thats cruel...how unhappy does that dog look!!!

y would you want to make your dog look like that!"

Ordinarily, the Puli's pelt would keep it nearly completely waterproof. The pelt requires a lot of grooming, so if you are looking for an low-maintenance dog, stay away. They are also not recommended for city-dwellers. The breed started as country dogs, so they require a lot of space and activity.

Pulik (the proper plural) make good watchdogs, herders, and athletes beneath their moppy coats. They are surprisingly agile; as shown in the picture above, the dreadlocks fluff around the dog when it runs.

I wonder if they also clean floors while walking?

Creature Feature: Freak Week- Polish Chicken.

Being Polish sucks. Your heritage becomes associated with idiocy, sausage, little dumplings, and a language with way too many consonants than is sane for a tongue utilizing the Roman alphabet. Just about the only cool thing going for Poland is that its name is associated with a rather badass chicken.



...Yeah, that's too cool to be from Poland. The Polish chicken (Gallus gallus domesticus) was standardized in the Netherlands, even though they came to Poland through Mongolia first. Way to mooch Poland's one awesome thing.


Born to rock!

Polish chickens (sometimes simply called "Polands") sport a big, poofy crest of feathers on their heads (in both hens and cocks). They are actually coneheads, making the crest poof up like so many celebrity coats and hairstyles. As with most chickens whose color is not a breed standard, the Polish chicken comes in a variety of colors, and can even work with other breeds of chicken to make them even fluffier:



Though originally bred for eggs, Polish chickens have clearly become showbirds. Their eggs are still praised for whiteness, but that comes second to looking like the guy from Labyrinth.


If your main job was to look like a rock star that made teenage girls swoon and commanded goblins, everything else would come second, too.

Creature Feature: Freak Week - Belgian Blues.

Was I the only one who just went "COW SMASH!?"



These Hulk-esque cows are not the result of gamma rays gone awry (they aren't green, silly). Belgian Blues (a variety of Bos taurus) are selectively bred to be huge, muscular cows thanks to a single defective gene.

This gene's purpose in life is to regulate muscle mass and simultaneously trim down fat. It has parallels in mice and, yes, humans. Normally, a gene making the protein myostatin would keep the muscle mass down; when it malfunctions, the result is called 'double muscling.' It makes the meat of the Belgian Blue leaner, enough so that one barely has to cook it to get all the fat off. Check out the stats alongside supermarket meat and chicken breasts - WOW!

There are, of course, reasons that such a muscle-inhibiting gene exists. Although being beefy like that cow may sound like a good idea to some of my readers, the babies of that cow are so big that the mother cows have to be repeatedly C-sectioned to get the calf out. The birth canal in a Blue cow is also narrower than usual, so even when she is bred to a 'normal' bull, she has trouble being a breeder.



Selective breeding does not have to be nearly as complex as the video makes it sound. All it means is that people are breeding animals for a specific trait. That means regulating reproduction for great awesomeness...or great freakishness. We will be seeing plenty of both this week, depending on your perspective.