Sunday, November 7, 2010

The Human Freak.

This next week will cover an animal so freaky, so bizarre, it takes an entire week to cover it. It spreads like a plague. It reproduces like a rodent. It is intelligent, an omnivore, and can be found all over the world. It threatens to destroy the entire world if we do not do something about it.

What is this animal of ultimate horror? Look in the mirror. Yes, I'm talking about you - Homo sapiens sapiens.

Humans are the most terrifying of all animals on the planet. We have killed more species than all the predators in the world put together. The biggest threat to the status quo of the world is overpopulation; even though we have a nine-month gestation period like cattle, we have become SO successful that the Earth will not hold us all as long as we keep reproducing. That's what made Soylent Green plausible.

AAH, it's got TRANS-FAT!

Perhaps the most disturbing part of this is that nature doesn't give a sh*t. Humans are not vital to the ecology. Anywhere. We try to justify our existence in various ways, but there is really no reason that a species should be so successful that it unbalances nature's scales. Trust me, nature would be just fine if humanity died - she'd probably be better off, if anything.

This guy would probably have gone extinct a lot sooner if humans had not thought him cute and cuddly.

This week will be devoted to the deformities, parasites and viruses that show the freakish side of Homo sapiens sapiens. These are the specimens that you see preserved at Ripley's Believe It Or Not! or in traveling freak shows. We wish we were not covered in almost arboreal warts or joined with a twin at birth. We can laugh and gawk at those people because, hey, it did not happen to us.

It could. Brace yourselves for High Octane Nightmare Fuel in a shot glass.

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