Wednesday, March 9, 2011

"They Actually Eat That:" Breast Milk.

Only a couple of weeks ago, a controversial new ice cream hit the streets in London. It was called "Baby Gaga" and, besides playing off of the popular singer's name and costing WAY more than ice cream should (14 bucks a scoop?!), contained a controversial ingredient: Human breast milk.

The ice cream has since been pulled off the market due to both complaints from the singer herself and general health concerns. Geez, you people managed to piss off Lady Gaga, one of the least judgmental people in the world; surely a line has been crossed.

Actually, this is not the first time breast milk has been used in food...


...well, yeah. After all, babies drink it. How bad can it be? It's organic, all-natural, and completely consensual. Drinking cow milk is yet another weird thing about humans - the more you think about it, the weirder it is that adult humans drink the milk of another mammal. At least breast milk is from our own species. Rejoice, PETA and vegans; breast milk is milk that we can all feel good about!

Baby Gaga ice cream is one of a number of attempts to get human breast milk into food. One restaurant owner in Switzerland created a whole menu based off of products made from human breast milk (which was well-received before he revealed its secret ingredient). Costa Rica is experimenting with breast milk dairy as an alternative to weaning. Breast milk has been slipped into various things just for shock value. This is nothing new.

Not like this.

The bad news: Things with breast milk in them always, always, always get dropped on by the health inspectors. Besides the initial disgust, using fresh human breast milk could contain infections from the mother. The health inspectors would have to test it over and over for HIV, drugs, and goodness knows what else.

On the other hand, do you know exactly what your cows have been eating? It's weird that humans are the only animals that drink the milk of another mammal, and numerous vegan cookbooks and PETA will tell you that the cows don't like it, either.

Who thought this was a good idea, again?

Hate to break it to you tree-huggers, but humans are omnivores. We have evolved to eat animal protein. If we do not have adequate iron, we go crazy like that woman who ate a cutlery store. Vitamins are great if you feel like swallowing a medicine cabinet every morning, and tree nuts are probably okay if one is not allergic, but for most of us, it is easier, tastier, and generally more efficient to eat an animal. Do you think that you can undo evolution, PETA?

Next week: Breast milk ice cream is only the tip of the iceberg. The British have much stranger cuisine where that came from!

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